The most important Christmas video

...oh, I was about to forget! Found this on youtube! My peronal Christmas favorite- in Swedish, though. Sagan om Karl-Bertin Jonsons julafton, by Tage Danielsson/Per Åhlin. I love it!

Last post before Christmas

 I can't get that tomorrow is Christmas eve! Most of December has just flown past... But I'm not too stressed about it all this year. I've finished what I could, except for one hand-made gft and cleaning my flat, but I'll do that tonight. I had my last day of work yesterday, bought the last gift today, and tomorrow morning I'm catching the early train up north - a bit later than usual, but I had no choice as I'll be bringing miss Cat along again and there were no more places (for the both of us) in the pet compartment on any earlier train. But that's ok, I'll be home by lunchtime.

 Christmas will be celebrated in the now traditional order, with family on Christmas eve and with friends on Christmas day. Looking forward to both! Don't know too much about New Year's yet, but looks like it will be spent here in Turku.

Not too much more to report. See you on the other side! And Merry Christmas!

Recommended reading

One of the very few things I did last weekend was to finish reading the before-mentioned biography on Sophie Elkan. (Eva Helen Ulvros: Sophie Elkan: Hennes liv och vänskapen med Selma Lagerlöf) It was a very good read, and I could hardly put the book down. Except for telling the interesting, and sometimes tragic, life story of Elkan herself, who does seem to have been a fascinating person, the biography also highlights much of the life and politics of the time, the changes around the womens rights movement(s) just to mention one aspect.

For now, I'm trying to finish a collection of essays before I return home for Christmas, and should be doing the same with my thesis as well. But this is going painstakingly slow. At least I have finally collected some credits for my recent work, which makes it feel more worthwile, of course. Still, I'm looking forward to the change in routine that the holidays always are, even though this is not (still not, and will never be) my favourite time of year, and even though I'm already feeling the seasonal stress-relaed stomach ache. Let's hope for no tragedies this year (knocks on wood).

The biblio-mat

I love this idea! We should have one here at the library, or maybe at Kåren! I'd definitely use it all the time, out of sheer curiosity...

This week, our main university library has been holding a book sale. I went there yesterday, but bought no more than four books. I had hoped to find more books relating to my area(s), but ended up with only novels (and a biography!). Immediately started reading one of them, a biography on Sophie Elkan (today mostly known as the friend of Selma Lagerlöf, even though in her own days, Elkan was a known and loved author herself). Will definitely write about it later!

on little pink notes and positive thinking

Look, I know you're supposed to photo-post these things, but unfortunately I didn't bring my camera today so you will just have to imagine the thing, OK?

This day started badly, and has so far for most part continued badly too. Just as a hint, I was already close to tears on my way to university this morning. And this of course means being more sensitive to all kinds of negativity for the rest of the day.'

Then, in one of the toilet stalls at my faculty I saw this: [this is where you get to use your imagination] Someone had left a pink, heart-shaped post-it note on the washbowl, saying "Breathe. It's a bad day, not a bad life."

Made my day!

Surfacing

I feel much better today. My workday was much longer than I had planned, and I haven't had the energy (or motivation) to get anything else done after I finally finished, but hell, I still fell good. And the winter has been a nicer kind of winter today; snowy white but without the cold and wind of yesterday. If it's half as nice tomorrow I have to take my camera along when I leave home. I wanted to do it today, but it had already grown to dark when I finally got off work. And I figured out how to continue one of my collage works! Who would I be without my mood-swings?

I still wish the weekend was one day longer, though.

me complaining

Winter came (again. Second attempt?) last night. Today it's almost a blizzard. It all looks very beautiful but the wind is cold and the darkness still adds to my bad mood. I'm tired, cold, stressed, completely unable to focus, and just generally grumpy. Definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. I feel a definite lack of something. (But what?) This is one of those Fridays when I'd so be up for a beer (or a whiskey. Or something warm. Mulled wine...) but unfortunately it's also the last weekday before I get paid, so won't be doing that.

Had planned to go to Helsinki today to visit family, but had to cancel the trip because of the never-failing combo of too much work and too little cash. Now trying to finish at least one of my (late!) assignments so I can go home without too bad a conscience. The picture-based assignment turned out to be harder than I had expected - mostly because my severe lack of technical knowledge. So annoying! I had all of these great ideas in my head, but was unable to go through with them  and instead had to adjust everything to my abilities. I hope I learned something from it! Also, had to beg for one more extended deadline again, which bugged the hell out of me. Had hoped to have more things finished by now!

Should be heading home already, but I keep putting even that up because of the weather...

Tomorrow will be a new day. I'll try again.

Friday brain drain

One more weekend off, thanks to cancelled plans. (Is it only me, or has this started to happen way too often?). It should be spent writing essays, I finished one of them last Wednesday, but have much more writing to look forward to. No less, as it doesn't look like I'll be finishing any projects today. It's only three in the afternoon and I'm already dozing off in front of the computer...

I have a very interesting new task to do, one unit of a course that involves working with (or in?) pictures instead of the usual essays. Not that I mind writing, of course, but working in new ways can be very stimulating! I just have to try and remember not to put too much time on this, as I simply don't have it. And there are more Important tasks to do. Frustrating!

So jealous of the people attending the karate course right now, but what can you do? And at least I had a great regular practise last night! More of that, plz.

letters or text messages

With the obvious risk of sounding old: Sometimes I miss the times of letter-writing. Late night I leafed through the always-full inbox of my mobile, searching for messages to delete, and I realized I still have some very old messages in there, ones I just haven't had the heart to delete. And now I don't know what to do with them.

This was what brought my mind to letter writing - in a way I envy the people of my parents' and grandparents' generations, who still wrote letters. Letters are so easy to save, you can just stack them away somewhere safe to find them twenty or more years later, but what to do with old text messages? I don't feel like copying all of them, because some are just... well, let's just say a bit private.

I am more than a little stressed right now. I am late with every assignment I'm working on. Every. One. I have tried to explain to my professor that however much I like the thought of putting everything else on ice for a couple of weeks to finish my thesis, it is just not possible at the moment. I cannot skip the courses I'm taking right now, as most of them are mandatory - so without passing them I will still not get my degree. Hope we'll find some kind of agreement soon. I do want to finish, it's just not possible to do more than I am doing right now.

Drab November post

November always seems to be a hard time for me. It's more than just the near-constant darkness, all though I'm sure it affects me too. Just as I haven't written here for weeks, I've had a hard time writing anywhere else either. My other blog has not been touched in at least a month (if not longer), I'm running late with my essays again (and it seemed so good for a while!), I rarely feel I have anything I need to say over facebook or twitter and even my old-school paper diary is being neglected. I don't think this is anything too serious, but it bothers me nevertheless. I hate feeling ineffective and it's stressful to watch that heap of unfinished things grow. But this would all bother me much less if it weren't for the troubles writing.

I hope this will pass soon. I feel lost without my words.

Edit: Now that I checked my blogroll, I saw that I've always posted less in November - and last year did not write any November posts at all.  November and May are those months, obviously. But for different reasons.

7.000!

Yay! Today this blog passed 7.000 pageviews!

And then back to reality. Right now I feel that as soon as I've adjusted to a certain work rhythm, one that helps me get things done on time and feel in control of things, right about then, something more will come up. Ironically, at the same time I know that this is the speed and workload  should have stuck to from the beginning ( when I started studying), had I wanted to finish in five years, like you are supposed to. I still can't imagine how that would have been possible. Maybe if I had not changed my major...

It's now set: I'll be attending the Vaasa course this weekend. It will be interesting, the least. On the upside, I didn't have to take time off work to do this, as incoming Saturday is a red day, meaning my workday has been shifted to Friday. But the downside of this is that I'll be going straight from work to riding up to Vaasa in a  crowded car, to attend two days of heavy karate practise. Then return on Sunday night -no rest for the wicked.

Twitter, authors and other things linked to writing

I noticed an interesting thing about my using twitter. On facebook I'll follow (or "like") bands or artists, but on twitter I'm already making a habit out of following my favourite authors. A surprising amount of authors have twitter accounts, not only the youngest, and tend to write much more interesting tweets than most of us.

Speaking of such, I just re-read Atwood's Moral Disorder for the n:t time. It is obviously just one of those books I can return to time and time again, finding new aspects with every reading. I also, pathetic as it may sound, found myself missing some of the characters after I had finished it. So I felt like doing another All-time-favourite post.

Today, I've been trying to finish an essay for the Academic English course, on the subject of adoptive rights of (or for) same-sex couples. The essay doesn't need to be long, and the subject has been interesting to work with, but now I'm just stuck. As I mentioned earlier, one downside of the English course is that I now ten to over-focus on how I write, no less knowing that my writing will be marked and graded. This, of course, slows me down even more (than the procrastination is already doing). And the deadline is tomorrow night. I hate when this happens. (It does, most times.)

Friday and still alive

This has been a busy week! Especially since I missed one workday by chosing to return to Turku on Monday night. But I'm happy with what I've achieved during the week, and for once I'm still on schedule (or I hope I am!) with every project I''m working on at the moment.

I spent last weekend in my hometown, the official excuse being the birthday of a friend. It was very nice to spend time with some of my oldest friends - I do miss them a lot in Turku and wish I could see them much more often! - and so the weekend sadly just flew by. Had lots of fun, though!

The courses I'm taking now are still inspiring, but also loads of work. There are assignments every week, as opposed to that one essay or exam bythe end of the period, as I'm used to. But I think this works for me, at least it stops me from procrastinating too much. Also, I've been rising early in the mornings again, which is good but means I'm close to constantly sleepy. But it does give yo more time to finish things!

Today, I had a first meeting with my professor about my master's thesis (to be), and after some kind suggestions and a bit of discusion we seem to have found something for me to work on, without me trailing off too far from what I did (am doing) for my bachelor's. You're not in any way obliged to stick to the same area, but it does make life just that much easier if you chose to do so.

Its now Friday, and the first snow fell last night. I like it. Wish I could sleep in tomorrow, but it's a normal work-day Saturday.

Mid-week brain-emptying

So I didn't finish the assignment on time (is anyone surprised at this?) but did so today. On to the next one, then. I'm very relieved by the fact that the two web-based courses I'm taking at the moment both have assignment deadlines two weeks apart but placed so that they have every other weekend - one assignment to finish per week. Makes life easier, indeed.

It was nice to have the weekend off, but it didn't seem to be enough for me. Still tired. The darkness makes it even harder for me to get up in the mornings. And as soon as I stop working I get sleepy. Or maybe it did help a bit. Now that I think of it, I've actually been quite effective this week! (so far. It's only Wednesday, after all.) So OK, a brief pause to load the old mental batteries, but could have taken some more of it.

I'm also tired of being broke all of the time, it would be so nice to be able to do or have something extra every once in a while.

Got a few people to show some interest in this year's Christmas party planning-project, good! It's lots of fun but I won't have neither time nor energy to do too much myself this year, so I'll seriously have to remember to delegate. I'll miss out on part of the event myself, as the three-hour exam of my English course is the same day. Oh, joy. The Christmas party normally consists of 3 + 3 hours of practice in the day, followed by a dinner party in the evening. I hope to still be able to attend both the afternoon session and dinner.

Now home for more sleep. Need more loading for tomorrow.

Saturday morning

On Thursday I finally managed to get my ass over to practice on time. It was great fun to be back, there was one more beginner I had not met before and several returners too (people who have practiced with us before but disappeared). I can't remember when last we would have been this many there at one time! Very happy to see this activity.

As I probably mentioned before,  I'll have this weekend off. There was something I had planned to attend but had to decline so suddenly there was a free weekend with no planned events at all. So far it's been wonderful! I loved being able to enjoy a Saturday morning knowing I don't have to go to work. I didn't stay in bed too long, but have been really lazy for most of the day. On the other hand, maybe this means I'll have the energy to start doing things again tomorrow (and if not, I'll still have to). Feels like I needed this anyway. Have done some sketching and done a bit of cleaning up around my apartment, and will probably do more of the same tomorrow. There is a writing assignment (English) to finish, but I just have to find the time for that, too.

To finish it off today, here's one more post worth reading from the zenhabits blog! Enjoy.

On blogging and longing for a vacation

At uni again, and actually working (or... umm...  was doing that until now.) I am taking some quite interesting courses right now, which makes it easier for me to put down the effort. One of them (and this might be one of the most interesting courses I've taken in a long time) is Blogriot versus feminism, just started, where we look at many of the phenomenons around blogging - who does it, to whom, self imaging etc. It's been fun to try analyze other peoples blogs, and very inspiring, but at the same time it makes me realise how... well, boring my own blog can be. I know that this blog doesn't follow any kind of theme, for example. But I'm still holding on to the idea of keeping this one as the "free/unbound" blog, where I can just allow things to appear, grow or die without trying to shape it too much. I do plan to post more pictures, though. Just haven't  allowed myself the time. (And no, I dont own an iphone.) I have probably mentioned my other blog over at tumblr? OK, I know I have. It would in a way have more "potential", if I could just get it out and start updating regularly. I still have no clue at all why I don't. I had actually planned to do so tonight, but now that I've got this far I'm already to tired. Basically nodding off in my chair. Will be heading home soon.

 I think my biggest overall problem at the moment is how tired I've been recently. And with that I mean constantly tired. I wonder if a weekend off again would do me good, or if I should focus more on my eating habits..? Been lots of tea and sweets lately.

And it  looks like I might have an extra weekend off very soon. I asked my job for a free weekend as soon as I heard about the upcoming Estonian course, but the chances of me actually attending are very, very slim. Normally it would bother me to know I'm "wasting" a  weekend off (without having a program or other "good" excuse) but I'm growing more and more fond of the thought even as I write this.

Oh, and the beginners course started well! I think there were about ten new people on the first session, and I'm very happy with that. There might also still be some people showing up later. Unfortunately I missed the second session (I was late, no better reason) but will be all the more excited to see what things look like next Tuesday.

Listening to: Bob Dylan

Premiere tonight!

Sitting in a computer class at uni pretending to work again. I did get some work done, but realized I didn't fully understand the task, so had to email the lecturer. And now I don't know what to do. Tonight's karate session starts in just under 50 minutes, so there's really no time to get started with anything new.Tried to look for something to write about on my other blog but couldn't find anything I felt like commenting on. So typically me, now that I'd finally had the perfect time to do it.

Tonight is our first session of this year's beginner's course. I'm quite excited about this, but honestly also a bit worried. I've heard from very few karate-curious people compared to last year. Of course I still hope that we'll still have at least the normal amount of new guys showing up at practise tonight, and that they've just been less prone to ask about us. And not all people who contacted us last year showed up, by far. But I'll also always react like this, if I've been involved in the advertising. I know it'll be good once I'm there!

Now listening to: Deep Purple. 8-)

Weekend update

I just came from the pub where we (my karate club) held our fall meeting. One more person attended, compared to last meeting - this time we were the board members plus two people, whereas last time we were the exact same group minus one. I wish I knew what to do to get people activated... But except for that, I'm pretty happy with the meeting, it was good to talk things thru, and sometimes more effective to discuss eye-to-eye than only over the internet. Also, there were some good, creative ideas and suggestions.

I just now finished and printed my essay for tomorrow. This will be a heavy weekend, tomorrow I'll have both a lecture (10-16s) to attend and my regular job. There goes the weekend. I'm taking a course called Academic English, I believe it's for the third time now. At least this time attendance shouldn't be too big a problem as there will only be two actual sessions - tomorrow and then one more in December, when we are to give presentations.

I heard some great news today, turns out there's a black&brown-course in Tallinn, Estonia this October. I was very happy to learn this, as there (I might have mentioned this before?) are  nothing but two Black-belt courses left on the Finnish course calendar for the rest of this fall. I had planned to go back to my routine of last fall, of one weekend free every month, but thanks to this it looks like I'll have two weekends off again in October... Not that I would normally mind weekends off (who would?), but for me it means unpaid vacation. I really want a new job.

Been listening to today: Animals as Leaders.

Tuesday is the new Monday

I've crashed right back into reality after having been spoiled rotten for days. I think I mentioned earlier that I would have a friend visit me last week? Well, it was all very nice, I've enjoyed dinners, movies, visit to the art museum as well as pub or five, and I didn't have to wash any dishes for days! It's been very boring to return to reality and sit myself down in front of the computer again. On the other hand I am, as also mentioned earlier, a great procrastinator! Tonight, whilst sending emails, I've also done things as important as updating my twitter profile as well as stumbleupon account, and posting the same funny pic on both google+ and facebook...

Oh, and speaking about movies I will now give you one of my so far very rare movie recommendations: Moonrise Kingdom! I'm not going to write any deep descriptions or summaries on the plot, but just let you know that it was a lovely movie that made me very happy, and quite possibly also one of the best I've seen this year. Also: Wes Anderson.

And what might the odds be of me getting anything "important" done any more tonight? Oh well, it's quite late anyway. I'll get myself some sleep and try again tomorrow. Good night!

Monday post, on karate

Invisible cat is invisible.

I'm quite tired after a weekend of very little rest. The karate course was demanding but good, I did learn and that's the most important thing. The foot wasn't too much of a problem, it bothered me the most while we did kata, and we didn't do that a lot. It will be interesting to see what we'll be doing here in Turku on regular practice after this. Of course, in a couple of weeks we'll have the beginners course, but until that.

At the moment, I'm trying to get things together for the Fresher's fair this Thursday. We'll have a table there just as every year, with info on the beginners course, pics and videos, and I've asked the organisers about demo space too. They didn't promise anything, but would see if they could find us some floorspace for doing demos, which would be very cool. It's quite hard to explain karate using only you own words and the occasional picture. I'm not sure yet whether I'll be attending myself, but hope to know soon. Anyway, it's usually lots of fun, and has been mentioned often when new members have been asked where or how they heard about us.

And how does the picture above (yes, it's my cat Mirjam.) relate to all of this, you ask? That was how I felt on Sunday when retuning home after a  full and intensive weekend of training.

Waiting for Friday

So tired. Been running around like a madwoman for the last two days, trying to finish things before the weekend. It's always the same before a weekend course, knowing that you can't possibly finish anything more between this day and Monday... Well, at least I've felt effective today. I've done everything from preparing a meeting, finishing yesterday's workload, enrolling myself in two different courses (to be started next week) to sending out even more propaganda about our beginner's course, and finally finding someone who agreed to feed Mirjam while I'm gone. You could also put it like this: pretty much everything but studied. I'm good.
I somehow managed to lose my quite impressive Things To Do-list by mid-day, so I'm a bit worried about what I might have forgotten, but I think most things should be done that should have been. And it feels good! Just have to remember to finosh packing tonight, as there will be an early start tomorrow. The plan is to leave Turku by 05.30 in the morning. This so that we can attend morning practice at 10.

I'm excited about the weekend, it seems I've been waiting for the next karate course ever since I came home from Summer School. And this will be the first Finnish course (for me) since... April? So many people I haven't seen in far too long! So I'll be looking forward to reuniting with everyone, as well as the actual karate practice.

Ok, I should be heading home now (still at uni) to finish packing and then - finally! - get some sleep.

Weekend update

Lots of things going on right now! Mostly good things, luckily. This weekend I've had a good old friend visit Turku - one thing I wish would happen more often! The visit included a tasty homemade dinner, whiskey tasting, a good beer or five and photography. And for next weekend I can look forward to a karate course (with Sensei!) in Vasa, and the week after that I will have another friend from home visiting me. Of course there's also the stress that comes with every start of a new season. I've been trying to get my university studies to at least look like they are following some kind of plan (and failing at this), and it's also the time of year for advertising our karate club. And I love being involved in that, even though I know there are other things I should be focusing on right now.

I still don't know what was/is wrong with my stomach, as I haven't been able to get in touch with the lab. It's much better but not good. Looks like I 'll have to visit the hospital again. Hope it's nothing too serious. The foot still bothers me a bit too, the pain comes and goes.

The following couple of days will probably include more than a little photography, as the friendly visit included a very nice used compact camera. Loving it so far!

a post mentioning cryptonite

It's been a rough week. Spent most of it sick at home, and the end of it trying to finish what I should have done during the week... Guess I must have been exhausted after the Summer school week. Just as I was going to get my foot checked by a doctor ( I had hurt it during the last session at Summer school, thanks to a badly timed kick), I fell ill with a stomach flu/ food poisoning on top of that... First time I've had anything like that since I was a kid, I'm used to my stomach being the one part of me that always works. Someone must have given me cryptonite.

I should be fine now. And this helped me cope with the post-Summerschool gloominess - I was simply too broken to be bothered by anything.Will be getting the test results next week. They couldn't find anything wrong with the foot, but gave me a support bandage. Hope it gets better soon, I miss jogging and have another course coming up soon...

Summer School was absolutely awesome this year! I got much more out of practising this year and liked the changes they had done to/on the instructing side, this way having more different people involved in instructing. Also, I was ridiculously happy about the focus on kicks this year! Weeee! And I managed to keep writing my course journal all thru the week, which was more than I had hoped for.

Hoping not to brake myself next week. So much to do after all of this.

Now listening to: Sheryl Crow.

Out of words

I have been out of words for a while. There hasn't been more nor less to write about than before, but definitely fewer words. I wonder why that happens.

I guess one reason has been the conflict between wanting to about things that I then notice feel too personal to blog about (not knowing who end up reading it) and on the other hand cutting too much of the too-personal away only to find it all turned very shallow and empty instead. Or end up putting it up.

I've been quite tired lately, having focused mainly on my bread job and university studies. Looking back, I know it would have done me good to allow myself more time for creativity, because when I don't, it will just eat my motivation and mental energy and this way actually slow me down even more. (Why don't I learn this?) I be I've written about this before.

Anyway, only two days left now and then one more week of vacation! Returned my work keys today, something I always love doing! Tonight will be my last session before Summer school,  and I will be practicing dressed as a beginner (without my gi) as  I own only two gi:s and won't have time to do any more laundry before packing for the trip.

So hyped about the weekend! Will be good to use some of the restlessness practice, I think.

Quote of the day

old friends

Alright, I guess it's back to reality, then. I had a lovely 1 1/2 weeks back home! It was great to have the time to spend with both friends and family, and for once I'm not all tired and stressed out at my return. There were a surprising amount of events to enjoy too, especially concerts.

One thing I've been thinking of these past few days is the positive effects of seeing your old friends. I mean, of course it's fun to meet up with the people you like anyway, but I was reminded this past week of how sometimes when life might feel like you're stuck in one place, with no progress in anything you do - I know I've had a lot of that recently - then the Old friends, the people who've known you for longer, are the ones to notice the long-term changes, who'll point out all of the progress you've done without necessarily even noticing it yourself.

And even if you hadn't, chances are they would still like you.

vacation

My 1 1/2 week vacation starts tomorrow! I'm now preparing my trip back home, crossing things off the list. Returned my job keys and have now got a train ticket for me and miss Cat. Someone will be very upset very soon... I did not (big surprise here) manage to finish all of my assignments on time, but will be bringing some amount of work along with me and hoping to finish some of it there.

I'll be having a friend watching my apartment (watering the flowers, but also checking that everything is OK) which does feel good with the before-mentioned creepy guy around.

See you on the other side.

Creepy

For a while now, there's been rumors going on here in Turku about a... well, the closest word i can      think of right now would be calling him a peeping tom, only it seems this guy actually gets himself  into peoples homes - by his own key, it seems. This is of course very creepy but I hadn't thought too much about it, until this morning.

Because this morning I met one of the facility caretakers as she was hanging an announcement about the guy having been seen in our building. She recommended that I start using my safety lock. Okay, so this guy doesn't really "do" anything, he doesn't steal or threaten people or act violently, but he has some kind of bizarre need to get in to the homes of others, preferably in the middle of the night. Which really creeps the fuck out of you, doesn't it? He's been reported to the police several times but they haven't been able to catch him so far, and as he shows up in the night it's been hard for people to give any good descriptions of him, so these have been quite varying.

I can't tell if I'm more relieved or worried about leaving Turku this week. On one hand, this means that I won't have to worry about some stranger showing up in my home by midnight, but on the other hand this also means that when I return there's no way for me to know whether someone's been in there or not, in my absence, touching stuff for example.

I hope they get him soon. (Because) I can't promise I wouldn't hurt him if he was to show up in my home. I'm just hoping he won't.

Friday brain deluxe

Wow. Suffering from the Friday brain deluxe today. I just want to go home and work on my drawings! I have some new ideas that I haven't had the chance to try out yet, and it's just making me itch!

I'm supposed to finish two essays but I have no motivation at all. Or rather, I'm stuck. I have the material I'm supposed to need but I can't seem to find enough in it to use for my essays.

Anyway, here's your weekly piece of rock! (hah! Pun intended.)

happily wasting time

So, I now started using StumbleUpon, too. And I got hooked immediately. I mean, for a notorious procrastinator like me it must be either one of the best or worst things ever invented - depending on how you look at it. I already have two blogs, accounts on both facebook and twitter, and... you name it. I seriously should start using a computer without internet access for my writing...
Speaking of blogs, I was more than a bit surprised yesterday to learn that this blog suddenly had been visited by over 100 people in one day... (When it rarely has over 10) From the most surprising countries, too! I wonder what made it happen this time.

making plans

What a nice weekend I had!

On Friday I attended a record release party at Klubi, saw Mangoo supported by Craneium. Liked the gigs a lot, and Mangoo has some seriously good new material.

On Saturday I took some time to work on my art again, and once again saw some of my new projects develop a step further. Still haven't done any documentation, but it will happen. One day...

 I'm going to have a week off now in July, to go back home for a visit. This holiday of mine will start with a music festival, and the week continues with an annual local festival, usually with a crappy progam but still the best chance to meet up with old friends. Today I learned that some of the girls from my high school gang are trying to get a reunion to happen this year. Not a whole school reunion but a small one for our group of girls. I haven't seen some of the girls in... could well be a decade?! So I'm very happy about this and hope that everyone will be able to attend!

Friday MV

Haven't been posting videos for a while, but today is definitely all about this song. I'm not too impressed with the video but love the song. Makes me very nostalgic, too.

happenings and weekends

Wow. I've actually enjoyed going back to work after the long weekend. However fun it is to have days off, three Sundays in a row is a bit too much for me. At least getting things done now.

This weekend there will be a medieval fair here in Turku, see pictures from two years ago here and here. I got a peek of the preparations yesterday on my way home from university, some of the stalls were in place and the actors were practicing. This happening is both touristy and well... a bit tacky to be honest, but I still love it! I keep telling myself that as an ethnologist I should see through it, but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to enjoy something, does it?

Quote of the day

"What people think of you is none of your business. "

Deepak Chopra

on karate and midsummer

I did have use for my course diary. One of our main istructors got the flu too (the one I just recovered from) so I got to do the instructing last Monday. And then again in Pargas last night. Both sessions went ok, Thursday was of course a bit more nervous with wo club instructors around but for the same reason also more of a learning experience for me. I was happy to have the chance to try instructing again, after my last attempt at this went as it did...
I've now sent in my application for Summer school, and remembered to ask for time off from work for that week- was ok. I also asked bout working extra as I'll have so much time off this summer (compared to last year), and the wage is already low. Can't wait to get there! How often is it really that you sit around in June anticipating the end of August..?

Today is Midsummer's eve. I'm spending it in Turku center this year. Think I'll take it quite easy, will be heading for the park soon for some barbequeing. Looking forward to this, especially as the weather is so nice today! (and here I am - in front of the computer)

*wax-off*

Quiet Sunday

Had a better day today. My (extended) workday was made so much nicer by an old lady who was trimming her hedge when I came by. As an exchange for my handing her the papers she gave me a beautiful pink rose from her garden! She was even nice enough to warn me about the thorns. I just thought it was too sweet! The rose is in my kitchen now, in  a champagneglass, looking lovely and smelling even better. Absolutely made my day!

The rest of the day has mostly been spent working on my art - a new idea finally hatched last night, and I'm still feeling good about it after a bit of testing.

Today I got myself a twitter account. Because what I really need is one more social media excuse to stay away from more important tasks.

Still hoping I'm well enough to attend practice tomorrow.

Been listening to: David Bowie, Anathema, Heather Nova, Kiss.

out of energy

I wish I had more energy. There are so many things I want to do, and I've been getting nowhere this week. If I really wanted to make excuses, I guess I could blame part of it on the flu -this has been the worst day of ot so far, had to give in after about half of todays work was done. (Now I have to do the rest tomorrow, so not looking forward to that) I haven't been able to go running because of the flu, and I miss that a lot. Also had to skip practice, when I would so have liked to go through some of the things from last weekend's course. To only sit on my ass and work (write) is so hard when I'm too tired to focus, my brain doesn't feel properly connected (thanks to the flu) and at the same time I can't do any of the things that normally make my day. On the other hand I remember already struggling with (and writing about) motivational problems before last weekend, so I should probably just skip the excuses then.
I should probably try to get back to my artwork even if I officially "don't have the time". Especially as I know this can sometimes work as a kickstart for me... And after a while, when I haven't, I'll feel empty. Just have to get to it, I guess. I wonder why I still so rarely prioritise my art, even though I once took on to make it my profession? I have fought myself more than a couple of times about this, but so far neither side of me has ever won.

update on the weekend

I had the greatest weekend, event though sometimes it seems it takes longer and longer to fully recover after the courses. The first two days after my return I pretty much spent reloading on calories, trying to beat a flu before it really hits me (seems to be failing) and being generally ineffective. And once again, just as after the June course last year, I know that I absolutely have to got to Summer school again in august. So I guess you could say that I'm working on that now.

I've also been transcribing my course diary, to be able to share it. This has been the first course that I've actually done a diary on, and it did start well but...  I never managed to finish it, as once the course got going there were both the socials and the tiredness from practice. So the first practices were documented in great detail but then it just trailed off... But I still know I learned from the parts that I did write, because it had me go through everything again in my mind and analyze it at least to some extent. I think I'll try do the same thing again next time I attend a course. And now that I think of it, I wonder if my main use of this blog isn't too far from that either...

Now, if I could only get back to reality, too...

weekend off

I have had a rough week or so. For no particular reason, as I know of, just lack of inspiration and overall energy. I hope that this weekend's karate course will be just the break I need. I'll be leaving for Estonia tomorrow morning, and even though I'm really excited about it, I still haven't even started packing, and my home loke like hell just broke loose. Guess that's what I'll be doing tonight then.
I'm so looking forward to this. Simply being off work would be good enough for me right now, but ttending one of the best karate courses of the year is quite a good bonus! See you on the other side.

on exercise

Sometimes I wonder if I'm a hyperactive. It's like my brain worked by dynamo, some dayss it's just impossible to sit still and focus for more than the shortest moments. For a ewhile now, I've been running to soothe this, but recently I've been looking for alternatives to running, because however much I enjoy it (not to mention the amazing feeling afterwards) I've come to realise that it takes too much energy. Or , to put it like this: I also need something less intensive, something that burns fewer calories, as I now (and I know this might sound like a luxury problem to some) seem to burn too much, and I'm not interested in loosing weight. I have no plans to quit running (I love it too much!) but I'm looking intosimple yoga- and/or fitness exercices to do at home - less calory-burning and also less time-consuming.

Last night I did some repetitions of a simple yoga exercise (don't remember the name of it) that we've sometimes done during karate warmups, and I felt it worked quite well for me. Got my body a bit warmer, my mind calmer and also opened up my stiff back nicely. And I did manage to return to work shortly after, and got things done. So I'd count that as a small success!

I'll definitely be trying more of something similar. And to just do a couple of exercises doesn't take too much time, either.

life advice from someone who knew how to

I don't post links to other sites on here very often, at least without further comment, but I'll make an exception today, as this is so just worth a read: 

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2012/03/16/10-lessons-from-einstein/

I am happy to recommend (but doubt that I really have to) the rest of Paulo Coelhos blog, too.

on karate practice and making plans

Finally attended karate practice again on Thursday, after a break of several weeks. And it was good! I have really missed karate. Some muscles still hurt today, and it's Sunday... My practice motivation is definitely back, and if it wouln't be I just have to think of the upcoming course in Estonia. This course is the biggest Finnish/baltic happening of the year, and I wouldn't miss it for the world!

I've been doing some planning for this summer, and I can already say it looks like it will be better than last year! The only downside is (once again) my personal economy. I still havent got myself a better (paid) job, but I keep getting declines. Hence, the planning.
Speaking of big plans, I had planned to spend this entire day writing but, suprprise surprise, ended up cleaning my appartment instead. Well, at least it was much needed, it was seriously not a day too late. So a failed plan, but for the better. I will not feel horrible to come home tonight.

Death from cuteness

Here's my belated music video of the week. So, it only took this long before I started posting kittyvideos... A warning: death from cuteness may occur...

About art again

I don't have that absolute rush of creative energy anymore, the one I found (or that found me) about a month ago, but I'm still surfing on it. So there's still progress but I don't stay up late to work every night. I should still focus a biiit more on my essays and other assignments, of course, but what can I do? One of the new... features? ...materials..? I've been using in my present work is cosmetics. I've included both eyeshadow and nail polish in the painted parts of the artworks.The nail polish came quite naturally, as I seem to have a fascination for drawing hands right now. Why am I writing about my art without posting pictures? I don't know, maybe because I'm simply excited?
Sometimes it's hard to tell whether a post like this one really belongs in this blog, or if it should be posted in my art blog instead. But the art blog more focused on pictures. I will be posting pictures soon enough, just have to get things a bit more finished and then borrow a camera.

Friday video

Yay, Friday! Had some rain, and as a result Turku is finally green! (and it's easier to breathe)
Here's a short instruction video on the Finnish summer - enjoy!

update on everyday things

I'm finally seeing some results of my studying, in grades as well as credits. This really helps keep you motivated!

I'm running again, but not without my antihistamines. In recent years I've been wondering whether or not I have a pollen allergy, but well... at least now I know that I do. The amount of birch pollen is higher this year than it's been in ten years, and my nose and eyes are runny even when I'm taking it easy. I should probably have eaten my antihistamines earlier springs too (even with the " only traces of allergy" I had before) as I now noticed a very clear difference in both results and overall feeling while running. So I might actually be in much better shape than I thought, which is fun of course, but makes you feel just slightly retarded at the same time.

I'm still not back to a good (human) daily rhytm after my "inspired period". Still staying up late only to oversleep most mornings. I would love to live in a world adjusted to the rhytm of waking up at 11 in the  morning, having lunch after three in the afternoon, going out jogging in the late evening and then staying up until three in the morning. But you're obviously not supposed to do that, at least if you want to be an active part in society...

Video post

Here's my belated MV of the week. Another video I could watch forever - and, again, back to the 90s... I didnt plan to only post videos from the nineties, it's just turned out that way. So far.

Letting go, again.

I think I can see the end of the most stressful (workwise) period of this year so far. As in, I'm not there yet, but I can believe I can see that end twinkling nicely there at the horizon. I wish I could say that I've managed everything, but I haven't. Not surprisingly, I had to let go of a couple of things, including my instructing karate, for this time being. Which is very sad, because I had been looking forward to it for long. But I had to accept that I couldn't do it (at least well) without practising more myself than I've recently been doing. I couldn't focus enough to come up with any kind of working program, nor to maintain the confidence needed to just step out there and effing improvise the times I should have. I just couldn't. Hope I'll get the chance to try again soon enough.

One thing that worries me is that this seems to happen every spring. Every. Spring. I take on too much and then have to decide what to let go. Why do I still do it? I don't know. Aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?

Back to writing essays now. See you around.

I miss my studio

Damn, I miss having a studio to work in! As the one I had back in art school. I live in a 20m2 one-room flat, and have no separate workspace whatsoever, just the same table I use for dining, writing, anything. This, and working in a small rental flat, means I have to be very careful not to make a mess, and always put everything nicely back in order after I finish. Naturally, this puts a certain limit to my work, and sometimes it bugs the hell out of me. Some nights it would feel so good to just pull everything out and go crazy!
Also, I miss being allowed to use all day, as I could back in the days of art school. ...when I was also still on the student's allowance and thus hardly ever even had a part-time job. AND I miss having other artists around you! I still don't want to go back though. I wouldn't do that for anything in the world, to be honest. I don't miss the depression, the fear, panic, waking up in a cold sweat the same time every morning... and it wasn't like I really enjoyed the company of other artists back then, having all of those wonderful people around me because... well, I couldn't. (not sober)
At least I'm getting something done now, and it's just lovely to be in the creative flow (Oh.My.God. What a cliché. Sorry about that.) that I'm experiencing right now! I've been working on my new project(s) every night the past week, and sure, I'm starting to feel the effects of staying up late every night. But it's definitely worth it! Hope it lasts longer this time.

Friday video post

A bit of 90s nostalgia again, this week with Soundgarden! Black Hole Sun is (just as Heart-Shaped Box) one of my all time favourite videos.
Enjoy!

Longer post tomorrow.

Creation!

It finally happened! What, you ask? Art! I came home in a bad mood late last night, thought for a little while about what to do, then just took out my "old" unfinished works (on canvas) and started! Something just burst, and after five hours, four good and nostalgic records*, one big beer, two cups of tea and a big chunk of chocolate, I had done some serious changes to all five of the canvases! And went to bed at about 05:30 in the morning. I have been more than a bit tired today, but it was worth it. I really like the ideas I  started working on, so it all feels quite inspiring. I'm longing to work more on them. And I can't remember when last I'd have felt such a rush! The re-coating and other changes felt very cathartic too, in a way.
Should borrow a camera so I'd get the things documented. The "new" projects are collages on canvas, that I didn't like anymore but couldn't think of how to change either, so they've been sitting on a shelf for a year or so now. I'm not sure how much I want to write about the technical details so far, but let's just say that one new medium I've been using now is eyeshadow! I'll get back to it as soon as I return home, but as
I have to get up earlier tomorrow than I managed today so I might have to take it a bit easier...

* Tool: Undertow, Depeche Mode: Songs of Faith and Devotion, Nirvana (collection), Massive Attack: Mezzanine.

MV if the week

Friday and music video of the week - NiN: Only. Had a hard time picking the right NiN video today, just knew I wanted one. There will be more.

midweek randoms

I'm at university pretending to work again. What I'm pretending to do is to write a lecture diary, but somehow I stuck to other things. I've finally updated my art blog over on tumblr, for example. Found a couple of new favourites, too. I know, something when you need to get things done everything else will seem inspiring, but in this case I feel happy about it. The lack of action on the blog has been bothering me for so long.

I am finally seing some results after all of the work I've done at university this spring. I'm finishing at least some things, and will be looking forward to seing some credits, too. Can't believe it's only wednesday,  I've been here every night for the past... four days. Looking forward to the weenend, even though I know I'll be spending most of it here in the computer class writing. I'll put a note in my calendar of doing something fun. (Hah!)

Listening to right now: The Jesus and Mary Chain, Amathema.

remedies

I felt horrible yesterday.
It just happened, don't know where it came from, it was just there. Down and disappointed. Luckily it didn't last. I left everything I had been working on, and just went home pretty much to feel sorry for myself, but then just kind of decided against it all and did the magic recovery: doing something nice while having a big cup of tea to the sound of Dark Side of the Moon. This time the Nice Activity was repotting my little chilies. And it worked again! It can be quite therapeutic to stick your hands in the dirt, but I guess simply focusing on something else kind of did it too. Anyway, I felt ok again afterwards and managed to make a plan of how to get things together today instead. I've been a bit down today too, but nothing compared to yesterday, and I've got quite a lot done, too. Right now at university trying to catch two deadlines (one today, the other tomorrow). I just might do it.

music video of the week

The idea of a weekly music video post hit me some weeks ago but then I never remembered to actually start it. So here goes - the premiere video, Nirvanas Heart-Shaped Box (1993).

I used to be a big fan of Nirvana back in the days, but the reason I still love this video is mostly aesthetic - I simply find it beautiful, and it's still one of my favourite rock videos of all time. Enjoy, and have a nice weekend!

Not giving up

Just returned from a students fair at Kåren, we (AKDS) had a table there to advertise ourselves and try get attract some new members. There wasnt too much action, at least in our end of the venue, but at least a couple of visitors seemed interested. This time we were given a bit of floor space too, so it was possible to do simpler demos and have people try punching (pads). But then again, with the lack of visitors, it wasn't too motivating to try do demos either... Oh well, had more fun than last year anyway! And it still felt important to go there and simply show that we are alive and active.  Hope we'll see some new faces on practice soon!
Practice also feels extra exciting right now, as I'm instructing. I haven't been too happy with my instrusting yet, but I'm of course hoping that will change. And that my back will get better soon. I'm not exactly sure what I've done to hurt my back - could be both work- and karate related - but I seem to have pulles either a muscle or a tendron or something...  Had some problems with it during the last course (in Pargas, last weekend), where I had to skip Sunday practice, and haven't been able to attend since then but at least participating in the punching demos tonight felt ok so I think I should be fine. I'm also experiencing some problems with my running, having allergy attacks again without being sure of the cause. So that side of things is a bit heavy right now, but I'm not giving up.

The not giving up also goes for my job hunting, I guess. No luck there, so far. One more negative answer and one more "Thank You for showing interest in [x], we will get back to You." I do have a (part time) job, but I'd really want a new one, as what I do now is simply not fucking worth the effort.

And the rest of the week will be spent writing essays, it seems. I have two deadlines coming up this Sunday (Monday) and a presentation next week. I would so love to have a free weekend, wonder when I'll see one of those again!

Yay! New post!

Haven't been posting in a while again, I know. Writer's block, been distracted, lack of inspiration and/or time... Choose any excuse, all of them are about as close to the truth. I've also simply had a lot going on. At university, I've had more lectures this past month than I had in the entire semester before. (And the deadlines. God, the deadlines.) Since I wrote last, I've also survived two karate courses - one in Turku, hosted by my own club, and one in Otepää, Estonia. And there's one coming up next weekend, in Pargas. Looking forward to that, too.

The Easter holidays have been nice, and given me a chance to catch up a bit, as well as breathe out. I seem to be back on my exercise regime, too! Of course not in the same shape I was before the superflu but it shouldn't have to take too long to get back there.

What else is new..? I have now started to instruct at karate practice. It's both exciting and frustrating at the same time, especially since I haven't been doing it for way too long, so I do feel more than a bit rusty. I hope for higher attendance next week, just as much as I fear the same thing... Also, I'm still waiting to hear about two possible new jobs. Applications sent, got the answer that they'll be checking the applications this week (hey! It's Sunday!) so I'm just keeping my fingers crossed now. Really want a new job. So bad.

Ok, too much time spent pretending to work now, I might as well be heading home. see you!

Friday and the flu

This weekend, our club will be hosting a weekend course. As much as I am excited about it, I am also a bit worried about the whole thing, because of my health. Or rather lack of. I've had what you might call a sneaking flu for about a week, not really falling ill, but not being well either. In addition to this, several joints have beeen bothering me at the same time,  don't know whether it's related to the flu or not. And because of this, I haven't attended practice all week, nor done any other kind of exercise. Many other attendees have aslo dropped of for the same reason. Anyway, I still plan to attend the course (would feel stupid not to, as it is here in Turku) and simply see how much I can take. I could of course simply promise to "take it easy/be careful" but if there's one thing I've learned from my six years of karate practice, it's that that never works!

Today has been a lovely day. After a full week of stress and a schedule just a bit tighter than I like them, having a day like this one, without any scheduled events, just feels so good! This does not mean I've been lazy, just that I've been able to do things in whatever order and pace I've wanted to, and in this way, to catch up on some of the unfinished business this week had left me with.

Soon I'll be heading home to prepare for the weekend. This will be great!

Pausing

I haven't been feeling too good this week, and decided yesterday that I'd take this day off to rest, as yesterday was the worst day so far. I don't want to come down with the flu when there's a karate course coming up next weekend... As in the course being held here in Turku, with my club hosting it.

Anyway, I haven't rested at all. Not the least bit. Instead I spent the morning redecorating my appartment - nothing fancy, "just" moved everything around. And with that I mean everything. No rest for the wicked. I am quite happy with like how it looks now, and the facvt that I now get natural light to my desk. And there's even space for the sofa I don't own yet... 

I spent the rest of the day a bit easier, but still being active, preparing for work tomorrow and so on, and as a matter of fact, I do feel rested! Maybe a friend of mine was right in her commenting on facebook, that maybe it was my head that needed the rest. OK, I probably have a bit of a flu but this was still obviously what I needed. I really haven't been pausing a lot recently. Should probably remind myself to do that more often.

Sunday randoms

It's been a good Sunday today! I've both enjoyed the day and got things done. I started the day with a long walk, and so did apparently the rest of Turku too. The weather was just lovely (Finally, after so many months I could actually feel the warmth of the sun. This almost magical feeling can't possibly mean as much to people from other parts of the world, can it?)- and every street and path I walked was crowded with people. I walked for an hour and a half, and when back home made double chocolate-raspberry muffins. The muffins were ridiculously good, but I'll still have to work a bit on the recipe.

Now I'm at university pretending to do Important Things. Just kidding, I have got some writing done on an essay I'm working at, thrown some emails around and made a new profile on one of the job hunting-sites (had to, because I had forgot my username and/or password), amongst other things. Still, yes, most things I've done here have been slightly less important things. But I'll allow that on a Sunday.

Sadly, I'll miss practice again tonight. New attempt on Tuesday!

Unfinished

I mised all three of last week's karate practices, and without even being ill... Just very tired and honestly a bit unmotivated. This almost scared me, as I normally never miss practice - the opposite. It's the last thing i miss out on, and generally what I usually feel I need to do when everything else is wrong/ demotivational/just sucks... Maybe I needed the break. I plan to attend again tomorrow, anyway.

I also don't know what happened to my writing blogposts. I've started several posts this past couple of weeks, but never finished any of them. They're still there as drafts, unfinished. Not finishing things is the most hopeless one of all pet peeves I've ever had. I can't remember if I've always had this problem, but I know I do now, at university. I'm always late with my essays and assignments too, if I finish them at all. Starting things has never been a problem - after all you only need some inspiration or a good enough idea for that (or something that "seems like a good idea at the time"). I still hope to learn the magical skill of finishing things one day.

Back to the Women's Room

I've been re-reading some favourite books this winter. So far it's been quite rewarding. Right now I've returned to Marilyn French's The Women's Room. This is a book I read the first time back in highschool, not remembering if I ever actually finished it back then, just how I tried to force myself through it. A couple of years later (after I had left home and went to a public college) I found a torn copy of the book on a flea market and brought it home for an amasing re-read -- in just a couple of years I had learned [things that made me] appreciate it much more. I still remember how I tried to get everyone else to read it... Since then I've returned to the Women's Room (pun not intended) quite irregularly but more than a couple of times, and every new read of it has given me something new. There will be details forgotten or things you simply need to have gone through certain things to understand -- I guess this is typical for any novel written in the form of someones lifestory, and I expect myself to react this way again of course. Normally, it would make me happy to find that I can still relate to an old favorite book and get something out of reading it, but in this case it just makes me more upset. Or rather, there are more things in it to make me upset since there are more things I can relate to. So it's actually a much harder read today than it used to be, but I'm still just as unable to put the damned book down as I was the last time I read it. I should seriously not read it in bed at night, though. Grrr...

The Ultimate Bimbo of Economy

I got my wage certificate yesterday. I kind of thought the sum on it looked surprisingly small, considering that I had worked every weekend last month, and hadn't been taking any time off at all. It wasn't until I compared it to last month's certificate that I noticed a small but not unsignificant difference in the line about taxation... and checked my tax calculation... and found that I had managed - I do not know how - to send them the wrong tax card. Fuck. This meant that I lost 27.5 percent (that's almost 1/3!) of my February wage to taxes. I just wanted to punch myself really hard for obviously being the Ultimate Bimbo of economics. At least it's fixed now so the same thing won't happen next month, but still. I don't get how I could even make a mistake like that and not noticing anything. This is why I should stay far away from economy. That, and evil, evil bureaucratic paperwork. I think most other things are going fine, I had a very good and inspiring karate course last weekend, where I also got a handful of personal points to remember on upcoming ordinary practice. And I just finished preparing for our (Abo KDS) annual meeting that's coming up this Saturday. Everything should be in order at least. Googd thing I have others handle the club economy!

Changes

I'm doing some changes to the blog right now - nothing drastic so far, but it'll be fun to see where this ends... I looked it over last night and realised I haven't done any maintenance to the blog in ages, so I figured it's about time. And hopefully this will also help me catch up with some of the changes done to the whole google/blogger package and learn how to use it again... Still wish I knew how to code, though.

project of the week

This week I've forced myself to get up early every morning, even on mornings when I haven't had to "be anywhere". I guess you could say it's one of my long-term projects, only for some reason I haven't been able to keep it up before. I've always been jealous of morning people! Of course it's only been a couple of days yet, but I really hope I'll manage to stick to this. I like having more hours in the day (without staying up until the small hours), and I have noticed geting more things done in a day, so that's good I guess. The thesis has not been touched even once in the entire week, though. A bit ashamed of that. But hopefully I'll get back to that next week! Next week I'll also be attending my first karate course of this year, looking forward to that a lot! I haven't attended one since october, and it's definitely been too long! There will be a lot of them coming up this spring, which is good but with the major ones (two in March, one in June) all being abroad, it will also be quite heavy economically. Getting too sleepy to write now (at 9.30 in the evening, I can't believe it!), I think I'll return home to get some sleep... ...as soon as I've managed to forget ow blisteing cold it's outside.

F-ing Monday

This morning my doorbell rang before my alarm clock. It was the facility caretaker (with some other guy - missed who he was) who let me know that there is obviously some kind of leakage in/from my bathroom again, and that water is, again, dripping from the ceiling in my downstairs neighbour's bathroom... Oh joy. After a while they were followed by two more guys (in my approx. 2 sqm of a bathroom)with a shitload of gear. After forever they let me know that the piping -that turned out to be ancient - would get a new coating, but that they could not say anything at all about when. Right now there wouls at least not be need of any serious repair work... I did not like the emphasis put on "right now". And of course I was once more told to clean the drain from hair every month. I don't even want to know what kind of a lovely monrning face I met them with at the door, but this time the caretaker gave me all the info on a kind voice I've never heard him use before. Or maybe he just liked the Beware-Of-The-Cat warning sign I finally put on the door. Anyway, I'm a bit worried about the state of my home now and just honestly hope I don't have to move again! I've just stayed there for a year now (quite exactly a year, as a matter of fact) and I lack both the time, energy and money to move anywhere right now. I just got settled FFS! I'd rather focus on things like finding a better job or getting somewhere with my studies. Looking forward to tomorrow morning. It must start better!

List of things found under my bed

Cleaned under my bed last night, and recovered: 3 socks, 1 pair of shorts, 1 long-lost bra, 1 sofa cushion, 2 bags (1 shoulderbag, 1 backpack), 1 towel, 1 novel (Kafka), 1/2 essay (my own,outcast), 2 newspapers, 7 cat toys. It does look a bit like a recipe, but for what? A vacation, maybe? And yes, I should probably clean a bit more often. Surprised to find only three socks, though.

Back-To-Business-Monday

This day has been a real Monday, and it's not over for long. This is the first "real" Monday after the Christmas holidays, and while I've been working, I have somehow chosen to avoid doing any kind of work related to university/my thesis, and also actively avoided bureaucracy of all kinds. So it has do be done now. Oh, joy! And I still have thousands of corrections to do to my thesis. I'm glad at least the presentaion is over and done with. The good news is, lots of new things seem to be showing up on the job front. I guess it's the season for that now. I just found one new job to apply for immediately and one more site where to update my CV. I so hope to find something new! Feeling positive about the jobsearching again!

Winter day

To experience the Real Winter that we finally have in Turku, I decided to go for a long walk today. I had meant to go first thing in the morning, but as I slept until noon this didn't happen. Instead I went out in the early twilight of the Finnish afternoon - and was rewarded with the most beautiful winter day! The weather could best be described as crispy fresh, and every branch, straw amd stone was covered in the most amazing minus eleven degree-frost. And over it all the slowly fading sunlight, giving everything more and more of a bluetone. I so wished I'd had a camera! And there where a particularly big amount of photographers out amongst the normal joggers. It was so cold I had to force myself not to start running instead of walking ( I still have karate practice tonight, and didn't want to exhaust myself), and to keep warm I tried to walk extra actively instead. (I have no warm outer pants) I'm now pausing at university on my way back home, and my fingers are still so stiff from the cold that it's hard for me to write. Looking forward to hot food when I return home, but also so happy about my walk that I just had to write about it immediately!

obligatory comment on the New Year

I waited so long before writing my New Years post, that I forgot the ideas I had. Fuck it, I'll just start somewhere else. I feel positive about the new year. So many things have changed since this time a year ago, and almost exclusively to the better. A year ago, I was looking for a new home (following the separation) but by January didn't yet know where I was to live from the following month on, I didn't have a job - but also didn't get the students allowance anymore... And so on, and so on. Of course life isn't in any way "perfect" today either (not that I believe in anything like "perfect") but at least when I feel down, I can look back and tell myself that "It's better than a year ago..." I still wish I'd get more drawing done, though. I got myself a new sketchbook and, yes, got started on it, but not much more than that. I need some new ideas for it, but don't know what I am looking for. I should probably stop looking and just start drawing. Let it happen. But no, it will not be a New Year's resolution. I chose not to make any of them this time around, and feel happy about the decision. I still feel eager about the new year, I'm just not expecting anything in particular to happen, nor struggling to find my balance again or to get back on track. Happy New Year everyone!