Birthday post

34. I can't believe how old  I am. And, yes, I remember saying the same thing when I was 22... But seriously, this is the age I used to consider "middle age" back when I was 18-20. Now  keep pushing the definition of "middle age" further and further forward in time. I mean, definitely no earlier than 50, right?

I don't feel old. I'm in better physical (and mental?) shape than I was in my early twenties, first of all. But then again, I am not in the life situation I imagined "back then", not even close. Not saying things are worse. Just... different. When I was around twenty, I would never have imagined that almost 15 years later I would still be a student. Or that I would be living alone. On the other hand, I would have never of being a fresh karate 1. dan, either. Just to mention one thing.

Sometimes I try to imagine what things would be like if not life had taken some of those more unexpected turns - and a some point  I'll end up realizing that I'd miss lots of things that I've won. Of course there are things I want to change (my job!!) but I have also come to realize that the thought of not wanting to change anything around me scares the crap out of me!

Life is nothing like I'd have imagined, but at the same time it's so much more.

Drawing again

I've been drawing again! I knew this week at home with a fever would be good for something. Nothing spectacular, no divine inspiration or surreal fever fantasies though, mostly your ordinary self portraits. But quite happy with the latest ones! Memo to self: Start documenting drawings again!

I love the feeling I get just after having finished a (reasonably) good drawing, especially an unplanned one. I mean, as a "professional artist", it is what I should be doing, right? Just as in my karate training, it still surprises me how sometimes those breaks can seem to be good for you. After struggling a bit with the first one or two drawings after a longer break, I'll regain whatever it was I lost and watch it all start to develop again. And then there's progress. Some kind of. So neat!

On a not completely unrelated note, there's now also a short new post on my art blog: http://evahertzberg.tumblr.com/#43149975164

I don't know what to do about that blog. I love posting on it, the few times a year I do it, but... for some strange reason I still don't post more often..? Why?

post-weekend and also post-course update

The course turned out great! We had loads of fun, got both critique, kudos and inspiration, and learned so much! And I got my black belt! So happy!

Unfortunately, I also either caught a flu or then it was the exhaustion that came with the hard practice turning the slight chill I had to a full-blown flu. Whatever it is, I'm not feeling too fresh right now. I'm off my instructing duties for the time being (hoping to be back in shape soon!) but still have to finish the corrections to my thesis - something I should have done by now.

Instead, I've spent today procrastinating by uploading pictures again... One album with pictures from the course is now on facebook, but I failed at creating one for/on google+. I don't know why, but the whole thing just cut off and disappeared, and this happened three times! If I finally manage to get the album done, I will post a link to it here on the blog. I don't want to post the pictures here, simply because they are so many! (And because I can't pick just a couple of them)

letters and diaries

I have been keeping diaries more or less regularly since I was 7 years old. But for a while back in secondary school, my diaries were not quite that important to me, as I also had pen pals - at most about 40 of them at once! This meant that on most days, there would be at least one letter waiting for me when I got home from school. I would save all my letters in binders or in empty letter set packs. After I left home, and due to the many changes of address that followed, I slowly lost touch even with the most long term of my pen pals. And at the same time I guess that other kinds of communication took over for letter writing. Still, living in my first college dorm,  all of the other girls in my dorm would be jealous because of the amount of mail I'd receive every week.

Today, I'm back to keeping diaries. And my two blogs, of course. This does, to some point, answer to my need of putting things down in words. But still, writing blog posts aimed at whoever might stumble over them is not the same as writing someone a personal letter. Also, it often feels more than a bit one-way... I remember having written before about how much I miss letter writing. I miss writing  my letters by hand, but this is about more than forming words and sentences and getting them on paper  - I also miss waiting for the answer, not knowing when to expect it, and the joy of finally receiving it. Not to mention finding the letters decades later! Plus adding stuff to the actual letter. I particularly remember exchanging cassette tapes somewhere around the mid-90s...*

I wonder if its still possible to find old-fashioned, pen-on-paper penfriends somewhere. I mean, with all of the other brand-new-retro trends around, it wouldn't even surprise me too much. I should probably check this out. But for now, I guess I'll stick to my diaries and social media.

Why do I feel like somebody's grandmother when I write things like this?



*this was actually how I discovered for example the Stone Temple Pilots and RATM, and also how I got familiar with the Finnish bands CMX and Apulanta...