onsdag 27 juli 2011


Today I had my second-to-worst day at work since I started, simply because it was so physically challenging. And I'm not even unfit! The work load is so un-even, and I will never know beforehand what to expect of the day. I hope the weather will be cooler than promised tomorrow, kept getting sweat in my eyes today. *Fingers crossed*

Anyway, tonight I filled in one more of those jobsearch "profiles" that some places have. I need to find a better job! And yes, I know you shouldn't whine about your workplace on the internet, but I hardly believe that anyone from The Unmentioned Company would be reading my blog - and if thay do, so be it.

Hmmm... remembering now that I was supPosed to write about something completely different than this, but I'll simply have to post about that later. Let's just say that some of my bad mood might also be linked to a certain recent visit to my hometown. I always seem to suffer some kind of mental hangover after those.

onsdag 20 juli 2011

Bloody pain

Woke up with menstrual pain this morning. This meant spending the first half of the day in bed enjoying the by this point all too familiar combo of pain killers and foetal position... Good thing I have ajustable work hours, even though this instead meant that I had to work until late in the evening, still without finishing it all... I have had ridiculously strong menstrual pains ever since high school (not before that, for some reason?) and nothing has helped. For example, I expected it to get better when I stopped smoking, as I had heard that this can be a typical problem for smokers. But it's already been 1 1/2 years, and I've felt no difference whatsoever. The only good thing about this is that it's always over after the first day. So now I'll have an entire month without that pain.

Tired and in a bad mood now. But well, tomorrow is a brand new day.

And no, I have no idea why I felt the need to post this.

måndag 18 juli 2011

What I want

Today I've started to fill out a CV on a work recruitation site. I had to pause because it got me so down. Things like wtiting job applications or updating my CV always make me feel hopeless. I suspect it would be easier if I would just figure out what I actually want and then go for that. I know for a fact that I can be very motivated when there is something I really want to have or to do. The problem right now is I just don't - especially jobwise. And even i i look for "simple" jobs I need to make it look like I am motivated and know what I want and what I'm good at. The job I have now if both unmotivating and underpaid, so I really need another one.

So how do you figure out what it is you want? If your brain refuses to tell you?

fredag 15 juli 2011

The written sketchbook

Sometimes when I want to write a blogpost I'll just sit down in front of the computer and start writing something. Just as often I'll go searching for ideas in a litle book of "bacic ideas". I keep this book next to my bed, and every now and then I'll write something in it just before I go to sleep.

(I use to post my midnight ramblings here when I'd have trouble sleeping - see any posts tagged "insomnia" - but I've found that it works better with a book. Now I don't have to get up to write.)

I wouldn't count this book as a "diary", simply because of how messy it is. It's more like a sketchbook but for words and thoughts. I'll write absolutely anything that comes to my head. Sometimes these writings will turn into blogposts that I'm very happy about (No. I will not mention which ones.) but just as often I'll be reminded of just how different text can look on screen... I still love writing with a pen.

One more thing I've noticed is that it seems I either both draw and write actively or do neither of them. So no, obviously no drawings have been made during the past couple of months. I've tried but it just hasn't worked, I've produced nothing. Of corse it can't be forced, but I really missed it and I hope to get back to drawing soon!

That's it for now. I'll stop before I've stared at the screen for too long.

onsdag 13 juli 2011

Are you experienced?

Lately I've been reminded of how when you get your routines in order, the hunger for experiences also returns. During these past few months I might have done less but I know I have experienced more. I believe that experiencing things is less about what you do than it is about actually being there in the moment while doing whatever it is you've chosen to do, actively taking part and taking in.

Sometimes I think this is one of the main reasons I keep finding a new and deeper interest in the KDS and karate practice - for me it's an environment where this side of me gets to thrive.

This summer I will finally be taking part in the "big" Summer School, a week-long karate course held in Britain and pretty much the biggest happening of the year. I have been wanting to do this earlier years too, but simply not as much as I found myself wanting it this year. And now I am going! I got the confirmation letter in the mail earlier this week, and also finally booked plane tickets, so I'm actually two steps closer. I'm really excited about this, haven't even been in Britain before...


On a completely different matter: I wonder how the "You might also like"-links are chosen. It seemed like a fun idea to add this feature, and for a while I believed it would link to posts with same or similar tags, but they just seem more and more random to me..?

lördag 9 juli 2011

Still alive

...and once again I'll try to find my way back to writing on a regular basis. I still don't get why I haven't. I already know that waiting for something important to write just doesn't work - just writing does. I have considered changing the language of the blog back to Swedish, but don't feel sure about it. So until I do, I won't.

Wow. I completely forgot what I was about to write. Maybe I'll remember it tomorrow. I'll try to returnhere more often anyway.
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