I guess I'm a bit nervous about Christmas. You could almost say it's a cynical little tradition of mine - I'm always nervous about Christmas. This year I haven't even done anything about the whole thing - I haven't decorated, haven't bought any gifts, haven't sent any cards... Nothing. On the other hand, maybe engaging in some of those activities might also have worked as stress release of some kind..? I don't know. I haven't had the energy or inspiration to get myself into it anyway. I'm really looking forward to meeting old friends and so on, but other than that I think I would do just as well without Christmas this year.
My experience is that, come Christmas, something negative will happen. Not only the fact that I'm always broke in December (if not before Christmas, then - of course - after) but literally: bad things happen. Someone will die or get sick or I will brake something or make someone sad. Or someone else will do so. And yes, I do know that focusing on your fear or eventual bad things that might or might not happen in the future will not change anything, at least not for the better. But I still do.
...And now all of a sudden it hits me that I haven't eaten yet, at least properly. It's off to make some kind of dinner then. One more thing that worries me is when I don't notice being hungry or not having eaten... I really thought that was a thing of the past. I honestly hope it'll all be better come next year... Or at least that will know where to freaking live!
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