Pride!

The talk of the town today - especially in my old home town - is certainly the Pride march that happened earlier today. In small-town Jakobstad, a town of just about 20 000 citizens; in Ostrobotnia, western Finland, which is considered quite a conservative area - or the "bible belt", 2500 happy people marched together through town together, watched and applauded by a similar number of spectators. Amazing! I wish I could have been there to witness it all and participate myself! Instead, I sat at work following the facebook and twitter feeds from the event, looking at all the pictures and comments and, for once, feeling a growing pride in my home town!

I don't think anyone could have anticipated just how many happy people would take part in the event, either to express themselves or to show their support for others, nor quite how positive the general feedback was, once it happened. The organizers started planning this event about a year ago, and since then the debate has been on, reminding us all of how much prejudice there is, to the point where you simply have to stay away from the comments section at all if you wanted to stay sane... This has, of course, also been an important and symbolic year in Finland, considering LGBITQ rights. There has been much (needed!) debate following the Tahdon-initiative (have mentioned that earlier - found here.) and this initiative surely helped keep that discussion alive.

Today, though, the trolls must have gone into hiding - I have read comments (Yes. My own fault.) about "feeling forced to leave town over the weekend" or choosing to boycott the entire local festival (An annual happening, culminating this weekend. Does not relate to the pride march) - so the whole thing seems to have gone down peacefully. Ans some believe that all the negativity and prejudice displayed in the debates might have been the spark needed for many to make the choice to take part and show their support. And so many did! I am both happy and proud!

Of course I realize this is no proof of an entire town suddenly having grown more liberal or tolerant, but it is a great leap of a first step, and I doubt that anyone will forget this party in the first place!

Update on this and that

I can't believe how fast this spring is passing. Around yesterday it was still February, as far as I remember... I do enjoy the warm, sunny spring weather, I just wish there was more left of it.

I don't remember whether I already mentioned this or not, but right now my brother is staying here in Turku until sometime the end of this month. This is the first time in.. I don't even remember how many years that my entire family is gathered all in the same town (not counting the occasional weekend or Christmas holiday). Feels a bit strange, up until now Turku has been "my" town. Still nice to be able to spend time together and catch up, of course. My mother's move is not yet finished - she resides in Turku now, but loads of stuff are packed/still unpacked up in Jakobstad, awaiting the next step. I don't know when that will be. Sometimes I think I wouldn't mind moving myself, but I refuse to do it before all this is over. In a family of three, you really don't need more than two members moving at the same time.

Some progress considering my studies. Not much, but slow. Two more coures to finish this spring, waiting to receive credits for one more finished one, and still work (most of it, to be honest) to do on my masters. I naively plan to write on it this summer, as I'll be working quite short days. We'll see.

I wonder what happened to my blogging. I'm doing lots of interesting things, but never seem to gather the energy/inspiration/motivation/whatever to write about any of them here. And when I do blog, I end up with texts like this one - rarely about anything in partcular. Hmmm...

Christmas in Turku

We weren't able to finish it last weekend. Not only that, even though we worked all weekend (my back is still troubling me) there's still a ridiculous amount of junk left to sort through. We did do a lot, though, and I am happy with that. (But I still can't believe how many books she owns! I think we packed eight more boxes of only books, and these were only the ones left from the first move...) The moving business will now be paused over the holidays, to be continued in January. It's still frustrating not to see the end of it. I think the same thing applies to several areas in my life right now - I'm regretting all the things I never did, or dd but never finished, and imagining I'll not only get back to them in January, but make everything better.

I'm now looking forward to my first Christmas in Turku, until now I've spent every holiday in Jakobstad (with one exception. Also spent one Christmas hospitalized in Vasa) . Still not sure how I feel about it. I like Turku, as well as my mother's flat here, but it will be awkward not seeing my friends, who I normally meet up with every year.

During the move I've been the practical, pragmatic and effective person. I've chosen to ignore the mental stress and just work on (even harder) and organize things (even better), I've been lifting, carrying, digging through junk, packing and planning, never giving in to nostalgia or other distractions. Why does this not work in other areas as well?

on moving and training

This weekend I'll join my mother up to Jakobstad for what should be the last part of the moving ordeal. We are to collect and move the everything that's been forgotten, discard everything else, throw out junk and clean the place up best we can. Mother is obviously stressed about this (I don't blame her!) and keeps putting things up, while instead worrying about all the smallest things. She has this tendency to put up everything uncomfortable until later... (I have it to sometimes, at least  I know where I've got it from...) But we already chose this weekend and I've arranged with time off work so it has to happen now. It's also the last chance for us to get this done before Christmas. I try to remind her about how much better it will feel when it's all over. I mean, it's not like I'm exactly eager to do this either, but we have to. And it will be good to (hopefully!) have it finished before the holidays!

The Christmas party last weekend was great; I had lots of fun even though I couldn't practice myself. I still enjoyed the social in the evening, an during practice I spent my time snapping pictures instead, and brought along my karate journal to take notes. It's always frustrating not being able to take part in the training, no matter why, but this time I think I  actually learned a lot from watching. I noticed some things that I'll definitely want to work on, and realized how certain things (mistakes) seem to relate to each other... Very inspiring! Bring on the new year!

Door project photos

Before cleaning up...

...and after.

as seen from the hall

Here are some pictures of the door "painting" I wrote about yesterday. I chose to let the text continue in the small, lower window, as can be seen below. Medium: regular water colors.

Let me in let me in let me in!!!!!

new home decoration project/quote

Late last night, just as I was going to bed, I suddenly found myself redecorating the window on my hall door (This door has been mentioned before, when I've written about the "map butterflies"). I had tried to paint  a flower-themed thing on it some weeks ago, but was never too happy with it - and therefore never finished it. But last night, when checking facebook that last time before tucking in, I suddenly found this quote, and just knew that I had to use it! I have this fascination with words and text, also the aesthetic aspects of it, and have always wanted to find the right text for that door. Now I think I have, at lest for a while.  At some point it will change.

I don't have any pictures of the "painting" yet, but this was the text:

"I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow. I've learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he or she handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights. I've learned that regardless of your relationship with your parents, you will miss them when they're gone from your life. I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a "life". I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance. I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back. I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision. I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one. I've learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back. I've learned that every day I still have a lot to learn. I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."

Maya Angelou

I'll post photos when it's finished! Still needs some small fix-ups.

update about this and that

I know I haven't been posting in a very long time.  Sometimes it just doesn't happen. I have tried, several times even.

First of all, I thought I might mention that the whole moving business has gone fairly well after all.  Some things were left at the old address, but we've been able to replace most of them. And her flat is starting to look more and more like a home. I've also tried to help her get to know Turku and find her way here. This has been fun for me too, and a much welcomed change from old routines.

I spent the first weekend this month in Vaasa, attending a karate weekend course. This was my first higher grade course in Finland (it was for black belts only) and it was a great experience! Interesting methods, lots of feedback from the higher grades, experienced practice partners and all in all many good points to try and remember... Unfortunately been suffering a flu ever since, so I haven't been able to repeat it all, however much I've wanted it...Very frustrating!

This upcoming weekend I'll be attending my first Christmas party of this year, in the company of the rest of my karate club. I haven't taken even the smallest part of planning it this year, and feel quite happy with that choice. At least I know that the event will be our by now traditional combo of training and partying.

The following weekend I'm joining my mother for what should be our last trip up north, to her old house, for some final emptying and cleaning. There is still an amazing amount of stuff left up there...I'm not too eager to do this, but it obviously has to be done at some point. I also need to start throwing out some of my own "collections" soon, as my 22 m2 flat is not large enough to hold both everything I own now and all of those things I used to own but at some point chose to start "temporarily" store at my mother's house... and then haven't missed for ten years or so. It's already close to impossible to keep my flat clean due to all of the stuff in there, and there are still things in Jakobstad that I need to move down here. A LOT will be thrown away, I think.

And, finally, I'm again taking baby steps closer to earning a degree! I think that's it for today. I'll try and return to updating normally again now.

Relocating your mother

A new date has been set for my mother's move here down south. It is in a week. I still can't believe it, no matter how hard I try. She's lived there for over thirty years. I'm going up there next weekend to try and sort out more of my own old stuff, and to help out with whatever is needed.

I don't think I will miss the house, as in the house itself. It is the house where  I grew up, but the memories related to it are so mixed. Good and bad. And there's the disrepair. And I'm so relieved this is happening now and not... later. That fear of having to go through all of it on my own if something were to happen to her.

At the same time I see it as having parts of my roots cut off. I won't have any family(that I know of) left in that town now.

So this could actually be the last time. Obviously at some point it will be needed to return to really finish things, clean everything up and so on..? But no one will be living there. I've had my last Christmas in that house.

She wanted to move in the fall, so it wouldn't be so hard to leave her garden.

on writing

It was amazing to have a full weekend off work! I got so much done. It was good to have that little extra time, a chance to catch up and to care for my long-neglected home. I've tidied my flat (which was in a state close to health hazard again), rested, read lots and even got some writing done. When cleaning, I found quite a pile of forgotten notes from last spring, that m now having great use for - both for my thesis and for the essays I'm working on for the moment. The pages of notes came with... maybe you could call it a bonus of kinds. On several of the pages (I had completely forgotten about this!) I had also made my own personal notes in the margins, spontaneous little notes on this and that, on things I had seen or thought of at the moment, absolutely unrelated to what I had been studying. These were very fun to read, made me remember things...I bet I still do them, haven't even thought about it really.

Where does this need to write come from? Sometimes I think I'd be nothing without my words.


I'll soon be off to see the doctor again about my knee. I need to know whether to keep eating the same medicines, and I'm going to ask for one more week of sick leave.

on moving and karate. I can't think of good headlines anymore...

I think we got a good start to the whole moving project. I'll return once more now in October, before the actual move, to help out again. On our schedule this time will be throwing out heaps of old junk.... But, before that, Poland!! This weekend! I'm missing a lot of work (and, with that, pay...) this fall because of all the traveling, but so far it's been worth it. We hope to have the whole moving business finished in November. Before that, I'll have to throw out some old stuff of my own too, as I'll be needing space for that growing pile of stuff that I've been leaving at mum's place every time I've moved homes myself. This will be interesting, as I now live in a tiny, 22m2 flat.

In karate, our beginner's course has started. I'm quite happy both with the group of beginners and with the assistant teacher. Now we'll just have to see how many of them will stay with us, and hope for the best. OK, I'm very hyper right now and can't really concentrate on my writing. I think I'll just try again tomorrow.

Still alive - and trying to learn this thing called responsibility

I realize I've had one of those longer breaks from the blog again - hope no one has worried. There are many things going on this fall, both at uni and in karate, and now also in my private life.

I am supposed to get two theses started this fall - and at least one of them finished before the spring term is over! In Ethnology and Art theory.

In karate I will, as I suspect that I've already mentioned tons of times before, be teaching this year's beginners group . I'm still looking forward to this immensely! But honestly staring to grow a bit anxious, too... Other karate news, I'll be going to Poland in October! Never been there before, so bet it will be exiting too.

On a personal note, my mother is planning a move down to Turku this fall, so I will be visiting here when I can to look for things to help out with. She has been living in the same big house since we (me, her and my father) moved in there in 1980-81. So you can just imagine the amount of stuff that's been collected there during the years... Also, the house is in quite a bad condition, so there is definitely work to be done... It will be strange but good to have here living in Turku. On one hand, I've grown used to a certain distance (of hundreds of kilometers) since moving down here myself, but on the other it will be good, as her daughter, to be able to be there for her when she needs it. She's already past 70, and not getting any younger after all, and my conscience has already been giving me a small personal hell about the situation for some while.

So if I were to sum this fall up in only a couple of words, I suspect "responsibility" would be one of them. I'll get back to you on the rest of them.

Belated post about my weekend up north

As I mentioned before, I spent the weekend before the last in my hometown, as every year, for a local festival. It was a mostly nice extended weekend. I don't know much I care to write about it, so instead I'll just post a picture roll this time. As you can see, I brought miss Cat with me. These were among the things we did or experienced:

me complaining about my job and listening to great music

I'm tired of my job again. I only work a couple of days every week, but this just makes it more frustrating. Right now, in the summer, I'd have the time to do so much more, and I also know that I function better when I'm active enough. Of course, this gives me the chance to spend more of my time doing things that actually feel rewarding for me to do, and I am doing that - I focus on my health, my art, I train, I write... - but I would still want to work more.

Of course, I also dream about simply finding a new job, a different one, one that relates ever so slightly to my area of knowledge. Or something where I could earn more. I'll keep looking.

This month I will take only one day off my normal work schedule, for the Jakobs dagar- weekend in two weeks, when I'll be revisiting my hometown again, as every year. This year I can specially look forward to one more reunion with the girls (we did this last year and hope to turn it into a tradition!) on Thursday and of course the Party Of The Year on Saturday.

...and midst my complaining, I found this on the zenhabits blog: http://zenhabits.net/discomfort-ruin/
-an article on learning to cope with your discomfort. Great timing again.

Listening to: Electric six, David Bowie (Hunky Dory!)

on junk, work and vacation

I decided by the end of May that I would not even touch any of my academic work throughout June. Why? Because I really needed the break. Now that June is almost over (still have no idea where the whole month disappeared to?!) I still think it was the right choice, it's been very good for me to lower the pace a bit for a while and allow myself to focus on the simple things - like my home and my health.

I've finally cleaned my flat up (not completely, but getting there) and also moved stuff around a little, for more space - and  I love the result! And at the same time I've finally got to throwing lots of junk out. The only thing that hasn't happened yet is the flea market table I had planned for. I did go and ask at a place, but the owner just said it was fully booked and  took my phone number to contact me whether this would change... and I still haven't heard from him. There are, of course, other flea markets in Turku but most of them have ridiculously expensive weekly fees.

In my last post I wrote that i now "should have more time to focus on my art", and I've tried to do that, too. I have done a number of sketches, but the really good ideas are never there when you crave them the most, I guess. Anyway, I'm hoping that this will also be easier to focus on now, with the worst mess gone from my home.

Where did I want to go with this post? I don't remember. It turned into one if these...

my temporary studio

This is what it looks like when I want to (do art)work at home. I do have a nice big table and all, but... It's overflowing with all kinds of junk. Also, I simply like working on the floor, it gives me more space. I still haven't seen anything like the drive I had last spring, but try to return to my art every once in a while. Think I got of to a good enough start again, at least. And now that the term is over, I should have more time to focus on my art.

I say this every year.

What are the sunglasses doing in the picture, you ask? Oh, they were actually included in a self portrait (hence the mirror)

The jar of awesome - revisited

Remember back in January when I wrote about the Jar of awesome project? Well, this week I guess you could say I updated it a bit...

 The plan was not to open the jar before next new year's, but just about six months into the project, the jar was absolutely packed with little notes...

 ...so I emptied it, but saved all the notes in another place for later...

...and made a brand new start with new ones. Now I can watch it grow again. (For more details, go to my previous post on the same project.)

The map butterflies - with pics

So... This is what the map-butterflies look like! The pictures were taken two nights ago, while I was still working on it, so the actual positions of the butterflies have changed since then. (I noticed the top part of the swarm looked a bit "rigid") The butterflies are all cut out of the small maps found in a old pocket calendar. Most of them show places in Europe and Russia. In case you wondered.

with the hall light on...

...and off.

And they make exciting shadows on the floor! (Yes. Those are my toes.)

on the easter holidays and new butterflies

I normally dislike those extra days off, like yesterday's Good Friday. It bugs me that everything is closed and I have to adjust my life and routines to traditions built on the beliefs of someone else. But this year it was good! I decided to allow myself to take yesterday completely off, and I so obviously needed it! I hadn't been feeling too good the day before, and due to it it missed my last day of instructing.

OK, so I didn't spend all day in bed, but used most of it to finally clean up my flat. The messiness not only looked bad, but I started to suspect a health hazard, so it felt very nice to finally take the time to finally clean it up thoroughly. To still enjoy the day off, I took many breaks to eat ice cream and read novels.  And as a reward for cleaning up I also made a new artwork for my door. Finally a reason to use my map-butterflies! I was going to post pictures of it, but the battery in my camera is too low (not at home now, forgot to pack extras) so it will just have to wait until tomorrow. (Though I do realize that the word "map-butterflies" might be a bit confusing without a picture to relate it to)

I still have a slight headache today (it was right there waiting for me when I got back from work) but at least I don't feel sick to the stomach anymore. And I really hope to be better next week - and good enough to got through with the next karate course. Black&brown course in Estonia, starting Thursday.

On being effective, and sleeping

This week I've been just about as effective as I should be. As in, all of the time. Had I always worked like this, I would have a degree by now. Or two. I would love to be able to keep going like this, to get stuff done, sometimes even finish things on time (OK. I'm not in control of everything. For example, I can't even remember the last time I cleaned my flat... It's messy on a post-apocalyptic level. I've offered that, for now.) But I've learned that this will not work long term. The problem is that if I force myself to keep it up, I burn out. Why? How come "everyone else" are able to get things done on time? Somehow it seems I have to push myself to the absolute limit to get anything done at all. I wonder if that's where the problem really lies.

Completely unrelated to this, I've now learned that that have caught the sneaking guy I wrote about last summer. I was very relieved to hear this, while also a bit creeped out to learn of his earlier "history". This guy has a history. However, he's been in custody since December, and last night I went to sleep without having fastened the door chain - just wanted to see if I was up to it. (And I was! I slept like a baby!) This was the first time since last summer that I didn't secure the door before going to bed. I still keep my bo staff close to my bed. Just in case.

Listening to: Depeche Mode, Nine Inch nails

One jar of awesome

I first saw this idea over at facebook, and immediately thought I should try it myself!

So, in short, the idea is: Every time something good happens, big or small, write it on a little note and save it in your jar of awesome! Next New year's eve, open the jar and look at all the good things that have happened to you all through the year!

So I found a big jar I used to store beans in...

...and pimped it up a bit...

Why, yes, that is a cat hair on the lid.

...and chose some nice papers for writing the notes...

...and slowly started adding them to the jar.

This also makes the jar nice to look at. I keep it in my kitchen, as the old bean jar it is. I've already realised the jar might be too small, as this is one of those projects that really helps you notice the small positive things in a day!