Nonsense weekend

I had last weekend off again, but wasted most of the time and got very little done. The original plan (and the reason for my Saturday off) had been to attend short karate course, but after my return to work last week my knee started to bother me so much again that I decided against the course. So instead I had one more free weekend to use for whatever I wanted. What I did? Well, it included two days of concerts (Thursday and Saturday), one bottle of a new favorite red wine (both cheap and ecologic!), some catching up with an old friend (former room-mate actually, from the small commune I lived in before the separation) and some drawing. I'm trying graphite again, and it's going surprisingly well. I was especially surprised to find a slightly more expressive style, compared to my more recent drawing... Interesting.

So all in all a good weekend, even though I had been more happy if I had also got something (anything!) sensible done. Something like finishing essays, cleaning my flat, looking for that lost, longer version of my thesis... I seriously hardly even took out the trash. Or then maybe I just need to learn to relax and enjoy things without guilt tripping...

Tomorrow I'm going to try working again and hope for the best. If my knee can't take it I'll simply have to contact my doctor again and see what to do about it. But still hoping I won't have to do that.

Drawing again

I've been drawing again! I knew this week at home with a fever would be good for something. Nothing spectacular, no divine inspiration or surreal fever fantasies though, mostly your ordinary self portraits. But quite happy with the latest ones! Memo to self: Start documenting drawings again!

I love the feeling I get just after having finished a (reasonably) good drawing, especially an unplanned one. I mean, as a "professional artist", it is what I should be doing, right? Just as in my karate training, it still surprises me how sometimes those breaks can seem to be good for you. After struggling a bit with the first one or two drawings after a longer break, I'll regain whatever it was I lost and watch it all start to develop again. And then there's progress. Some kind of. So neat!

On a not completely unrelated note, there's now also a short new post on my art blog: http://evahertzberg.tumblr.com/#43149975164

I don't know what to do about that blog. I love posting on it, the few times a year I do it, but... for some strange reason I still don't post more often..? Why?

obligatory comment on the New Year

I waited so long before writing my New Years post, that I forgot the ideas I had. Fuck it, I'll just start somewhere else. I feel positive about the new year. So many things have changed since this time a year ago, and almost exclusively to the better. A year ago, I was looking for a new home (following the separation) but by January didn't yet know where I was to live from the following month on, I didn't have a job - but also didn't get the students allowance anymore... And so on, and so on. Of course life isn't in any way "perfect" today either (not that I believe in anything like "perfect") but at least when I feel down, I can look back and tell myself that "It's better than a year ago..." I still wish I'd get more drawing done, though. I got myself a new sketchbook and, yes, got started on it, but not much more than that. I need some new ideas for it, but don't know what I am looking for. I should probably stop looking and just start drawing. Let it happen. But no, it will not be a New Year's resolution. I chose not to make any of them this time around, and feel happy about the decision. I still feel eager about the new year, I'm just not expecting anything in particular to happen, nor struggling to find my balance again or to get back on track. Happy New Year everyone!

Hard time writing

Ok. So I had another pause from blogging. This time, to be completely honest with you, it was because I chickened out. I knew the next thing to write about was (would have been) about me having a hard time going "home" to visit and why this is so. And I did start to write, in the before-mentioned sketchbook of mine. But when it came down to posting it all, I was struggling with a bad conscience. Writing about it made me feel disloyal. So I just kept putting it up, and while dong so, obviously didn't write about anything else either. Must try again later.

At least I've found my drawing again! Spent last night doing only that, actually - and loving it!" so that feels great.

The written sketchbook

Sometimes when I want to write a blogpost I'll just sit down in front of the computer and start writing something. Just as often I'll go searching for ideas in a litle book of "bacic ideas". I keep this book next to my bed, and every now and then I'll write something in it just before I go to sleep.

(I use to post my midnight ramblings here when I'd have trouble sleeping - see any posts tagged "insomnia" - but I've found that it works better with a book. Now I don't have to get up to write.)

I wouldn't count this book as a "diary", simply because of how messy it is. It's more like a sketchbook but for words and thoughts. I'll write absolutely anything that comes to my head. Sometimes these writings will turn into blogposts that I'm very happy about (No. I will not mention which ones.) but just as often I'll be reminded of just how different text can look on screen... I still love writing with a pen.

One more thing I've noticed is that it seems I either both draw and write actively or do neither of them. So no, obviously no drawings have been made during the past couple of months. I've tried but it just hasn't worked, I've produced nothing. Of corse it can't be forced, but I really missed it and I hope to get back to drawing soon!

That's it for now. I'll stop before I've stared at the screen for too long.

Short update

I still haven't gotten to fixing myself up with internet at the new apartment, never had I guessed it would take this long. so here I am spending a late evening at university again. There is of corse a good side to this too, as I will for example do less unnecesary surfing around when I'm finally connected. Also, I've spent more time actually doing things at home. Or so I imagine. Sometimes I do wonder if I'm just using more time on daydreaming instead...

This last weekend I decided to spend only at home, only doing things I like. (Ok. Cheated a bit and did the dishes too - I bloody had to. No space left in the kitchen.) But I also spent more time than... I don't know when, drawing while drinkiung ridiculously expensive whine. (One of the Good Bottles I got for my 30th birthday).

On Saturday afternoon I actually left the apartment, to attend the wedding of a good friens and his fiancé. It was a beautiful small wedding and a nice get-together with friends afterwards. I'm glad I got the chance to attend it!

Now back to updating the CV. That's what I'm pretending to do here, while also (obviously) blogging... I wish I had something new nd cool to ad to my CV every time I need to use it for something, that would make it so much more fun to work on it. Oh well. It has to be done.