Christmas in Turku

We weren't able to finish it last weekend. Not only that, even though we worked all weekend (my back is still troubling me) there's still a ridiculous amount of junk left to sort through. We did do a lot, though, and I am happy with that. (But I still can't believe how many books she owns! I think we packed eight more boxes of only books, and these were only the ones left from the first move...) The moving business will now be paused over the holidays, to be continued in January. It's still frustrating not to see the end of it. I think the same thing applies to several areas in my life right now - I'm regretting all the things I never did, or dd but never finished, and imagining I'll not only get back to them in January, but make everything better.

I'm now looking forward to my first Christmas in Turku, until now I've spent every holiday in Jakobstad (with one exception. Also spent one Christmas hospitalized in Vasa) . Still not sure how I feel about it. I like Turku, as well as my mother's flat here, but it will be awkward not seeing my friends, who I normally meet up with every year.

During the move I've been the practical, pragmatic and effective person. I've chosen to ignore the mental stress and just work on (even harder) and organize things (even better), I've been lifting, carrying, digging through junk, packing and planning, never giving in to nostalgia or other distractions. Why does this not work in other areas as well?

on the easter holidays and new butterflies

I normally dislike those extra days off, like yesterday's Good Friday. It bugs me that everything is closed and I have to adjust my life and routines to traditions built on the beliefs of someone else. But this year it was good! I decided to allow myself to take yesterday completely off, and I so obviously needed it! I hadn't been feeling too good the day before, and due to it it missed my last day of instructing.

OK, so I didn't spend all day in bed, but used most of it to finally clean up my flat. The messiness not only looked bad, but I started to suspect a health hazard, so it felt very nice to finally take the time to finally clean it up thoroughly. To still enjoy the day off, I took many breaks to eat ice cream and read novels.  And as a reward for cleaning up I also made a new artwork for my door. Finally a reason to use my map-butterflies! I was going to post pictures of it, but the battery in my camera is too low (not at home now, forgot to pack extras) so it will just have to wait until tomorrow. (Though I do realize that the word "map-butterflies" might be a bit confusing without a picture to relate it to)

I still have a slight headache today (it was right there waiting for me when I got back from work) but at least I don't feel sick to the stomach anymore. And I really hope to be better next week - and good enough to got through with the next karate course. Black&brown course in Estonia, starting Thursday.

The most important Christmas video

...oh, I was about to forget! Found this on youtube! My peronal Christmas favorite- in Swedish, though. Sagan om Karl-Bertin Jonsons julafton, by Tage Danielsson/Per Åhlin. I love it!

Last post before Christmas

 I can't get that tomorrow is Christmas eve! Most of December has just flown past... But I'm not too stressed about it all this year. I've finished what I could, except for one hand-made gft and cleaning my flat, but I'll do that tonight. I had my last day of work yesterday, bought the last gift today, and tomorrow morning I'm catching the early train up north - a bit later than usual, but I had no choice as I'll be bringing miss Cat along again and there were no more places (for the both of us) in the pet compartment on any earlier train. But that's ok, I'll be home by lunchtime.

 Christmas will be celebrated in the now traditional order, with family on Christmas eve and with friends on Christmas day. Looking forward to both! Don't know too much about New Year's yet, but looks like it will be spent here in Turku.

Not too much more to report. See you on the other side! And Merry Christmas!

Recommended reading

One of the very few things I did last weekend was to finish reading the before-mentioned biography on Sophie Elkan. (Eva Helen Ulvros: Sophie Elkan: Hennes liv och vänskapen med Selma Lagerlöf) It was a very good read, and I could hardly put the book down. Except for telling the interesting, and sometimes tragic, life story of Elkan herself, who does seem to have been a fascinating person, the biography also highlights much of the life and politics of the time, the changes around the womens rights movement(s) just to mention one aspect.

For now, I'm trying to finish a collection of essays before I return home for Christmas, and should be doing the same with my thesis as well. But this is going painstakingly slow. At least I have finally collected some credits for my recent work, which makes it feel more worthwile, of course. Still, I'm looking forward to the change in routine that the holidays always are, even though this is not (still not, and will never be) my favourite time of year, and even though I'm already feeling the seasonal stress-relaed stomach ache. Let's hope for no tragedies this year (knocks on wood).

Not yet completely stressed out about Christmas

After a good Christmas (practice &) party yesterday, I've spent today being absolutely useless. Nope, no hangover, just unmotivated and dreamy. Got absolutely nothing done. On the other hand, I've really enjoyed having a weekend off work! I didn't even have to miss the exercise, as yesterday's christmas party came with no less than six hours of karate practice! The practice was both interesting and inspiring - I'll have new things to work on for ordinary practice, many new things. I have started to look at options for the travel back "home" for Christmas. The holidays are getting closer and I should have booked my tickets already, but I'm traditionally late with that every year. This time (again) I blame it on not yet knowing what to do with the cat. If I don't find someone to feed or house Mirjam (the cat) I'll have to shorten my visit again, like last year. I'd love to stay for a bit longer though, and I have considered travelling with her too (most trains do have pet compartments) but I think that could get a bit messy, especially now that there's no car. Tomorrow I'll give the real world a new try. I already have a list of Things To Do - the same thing this time every year, I guess. You try to get as many things as possible done before the holidays believing that if you do, you'll be able to relax and enjoy your time spent with family and old friends instead of rushing thru it "like last year". Only problem is: it never works! At least not for me. A day or two before Christmas I'll stay up later than late to desperately try and (for once) finish everything... and always failing at doing so. And a couple of days later I'll be back in Turku stressed and tired, quite possibly hung over and hardly having enjoyed more than the occational minute of it all. "Same procedure as every year".

Stressed out about Christmas

Getting nothing done today. Okay, been tidying the kitchen up a bit, but except for that...

I guess I'm a bit nervous about Christmas. You could almost say it's a cynical little tradition of mine - I'm always nervous about Christmas. This year I haven't even done anything about the whole thing - I haven't decorated, haven't bought any gifts, haven't sent any cards... Nothing. On the other hand, maybe engaging in some of those activities might also have worked as stress release of some kind..? I don't know. I haven't had the energy or inspiration to get myself into it anyway. I'm really looking forward to meeting old friends and so on, but other than that I think I would do just as well without Christmas this year.

My experience is that, come Christmas, something negative will happen. Not only the fact that I'm always broke in December (if not before Christmas, then - of course - after) but literally: bad things happen. Someone will die or get sick or I will brake something or make someone sad. Or someone else will do so. And yes, I do know that focusing on your fear or eventual bad things that might or might not happen in the future will not change anything, at least not for the better. But I still do.

...And now all of a sudden it hits me that I haven't eaten yet, at least properly. It's off to make some kind of dinner then. One more thing that worries me is when I don't notice being hungry or not having eaten... I really thought that was a thing of the past. I honestly hope it'll all be better come next year... Or at least that will know where to freaking live!