I survived Summer School

I survived Summer School! Had a great course experience again this year, but I can't remember having ever before struggled this much to recover... I returned home early last Sunday (the course having ended on Friday) and it took until the end of this week before I started to feel "normal" again. Those first couple of days back at work were one.hell.of.a.mess... Or, rather, I was. And my first karate session back home, on Thursday, was ridiculously heavy. Still, I once again came home from Britain with lots of inspiration and good points to work on, and feel very motivated about practice overall. So it was all very much worth the pain. Like I knew it would be.

Last Friday I did my last day of work at the museum. Double feelings. It will be good to have more time over for my studies, but at the same time I worry about my (closest) future - I still haven't found any job for this fall... And I defiantly refuse to go back to paper delivery... So that's one more thing on my list of things to fix. This list is always long this time of the year, with the new term starting. Oh well, back to reality it is, then.

July. On work and such...

Been a while again.

July has, so far, been a bit more hectic than June. Which is good, in a way - more visitors at the museum is always technically good after all - but also means I am tired most of the time. Today, Monday, I have my weekly day off. Until now, it's been spent at uni, working on things I don't have the time or energy to do on most nights. I used to have this idea that I'd do something fun every Monday but now I never really seem to find the time for that, after all. Or the energy. Time and time again I ask myself whether it really was that smart to use all of my vacation days (six days ) on a one-week trip in August. It does heighten my expectations on that week, to say the least - this year it will have to be good to be worth it... But I bet it will.

Had a short visit by friends from back home this weekend, which was great fun! But lots of catching up and too little time, as so often happens. Will be strange not to go up north for a visit this year, and this is the week I'd normally do that.

I'm quite satisfied with the writing I've done today, but wish I had one more day off (a "Sunday" following this "Saturday") to use for other things, like cleaning my flat...

Work, work.

I have now spent just over two mostly grey, rainy weeks guiding at the industrial museum. The first week was quite quiet, but since midsummer the stream of visitors has been growing steadily and these last couple of days have even been a bit hectic! I'm enjoying it so far, but my weak Finnish is still a complex - no matter how well I try to learn the material, it can still be frustratingly difficult to answer spontaneous questions from visitors. Sometimes because I don't know the answer (this happens particularly often with local visitors, who tend to be familiar with the history represented and whom I sometimes suspect of asking merely to test my knowledge) but just as often because I am not able to answer in Finnish. Very annoying, and also embarrassing. Still, I like my job and now mostly worry about the fall. (as I still don't know what I'll be doing after August, job-wise.)

At first, I found it hard to work six days a week, but I think I'm getting used to it now. It's interesting to have Mondays off - my "weekend" starts right where everyone else's ends. I try to think of something fun or inspiring to do every Monday,  not to miss weekends too much. I'll get back to you on the Monday projects later.

Friday 13th

This has been such a messy day. I started it by - for the second time this week - missing the bus to Pargas, which made me late for work in the morning. And almost soon as I got started, I messed things up again. These past couple of days I've been going through a collection old things, moving them to a more suitable storage facility, and photo documenting every moved object in the process. I had just returned to doing that when I, wanting to delete a bad shot, accidentally deleted every picture on that camera. Every. Single. One. I had been using that camera all afternoon yesterday, when I had a particularly effective day. So most of today has been spent trying to correct that mistake by first figuring out which objects I needed to shoot again, and then re-shooting all of them. And worrying about whether or not I would mess something else up. At least I was able to finish it. So when my work day ended, I was just slightly past the point where I had started. Oh, joy.

The bus trip back home felt especially good today.

on work and karate

I've been at my new job for a week now, and missed the morning bus for the first time today. Interestingly enough, I was still the first person there. My boss was also late (family reasons) so it wasn't a problem after all. Still felt like shit watching the bus drive off right in front of my nose, though... Very much a Monday.

I haven't started actually guiding yet, that will be when the museum opens next week. I'm quite sure it will be fun, but still slightly worried about guiding in Finnish. Spent the end of last week (among other things) putting together a long list of Finnish terms to teach myself...

One surprising thing I have learned to appreciate about my job is the commuting. The bus ride isn't too long, takes about 40 minutes depending on the hour, and I found myself liking it. I usually spend it reading, and I have so many books on my reading list right now - as in list of books I actually want to read, nothing mandatory. Already finished two Vonnegut novels and now reading The sound of a wild snail eating....

Sadly, it looks like I'll be missing out on the upcoming karate course. I would only be able to attend half the course and, having now checked the details around all possible travel arrangements, it simply doesn't seem possible to go after work on Friday, unless I want to finally show up sometime well after three o'clock in the morning, after having caught a ride from Tallinn with that mystery driver I have not yet found...  This bugs the hell out of me, as this course (the June course, or "Nordic Summer School") is one of my favorites, and something i look forward to every spring - no less when it is in Estonia, as this summer... I guess I'll just have to attend our normal sessions as often as I can, and of course look forward to the big Summer School in Canterbury in August... I double checked with my boss that I can take that entire week off, so at least I should have that covered!

Tired but happy

I was very happy to belatedly return my work keys last night. I've now had my third day at my new job, and so far I've been very happy with it - even though I spent most of the last two days cleaning. My next task is simply to learn as much as I can about the place and the exhibitions, so that I can guide visitors properly. Even having regular work hours feels good, especially after having submitted everything I've been writing on this spring (Yes - except for the thesis).

I was also most happy to return to regular karate practice last night, after not having trained for weeks (due to us not having a venue). Things worked out surprisingly well, considering the break, and I look forward to training again on Thursday!

Before the summer

The weather is still warm and lovely, but I hardly have time to enjoy it. When this week is over, I have only one more week to finish everything  before the summer - as I will be working every five to six days a week, I can't expect to have much time to write during the summer months. What I am writing on right now is the probably least inspiring group of essays I've had to do in years... While the sun is shining outside. Do I even need to mention that the progress is excruciatingly slow?

Sunday is election day for the European Parliament.  I still can't believe the number of people who chose to show their dissatisfaction by not voting - no less considering how common it is to complain about the European Union and the bad decision-making of the parliament... Many voters also seem to gather behind candidates who are simply "against" the European Union, which I find quite naive. How can anyone expect to change things simply by complaining about how little you like them? (Or, in the case of not voting, not even complaining. Choosing to just stay quiet.)

post-weekend update

I was going to post yesterday, but accidentally deleted the post and was after that too pissed off to re-write it. Here's a slightly shorter version of it:

First of all: Two of the jobs I had applied for let me know that they wanted me, so I had the hard luxury problem of picking one of them. Chose the one that seemed more challenging .Will be working at a museum, starting June. Very happy about this, and enjoyed telling my old job I cannot work for them anymore after May. Still have to find something nice for the fall, though.

Last weekend was good. My brother paid a short one-night visit to Turku so I met him on Friday. He has just sold his flat in Stockholm and is now planning a move to Spain. In the evening I joined a friend to a concert, Swaying Wires played a release gig at Dynamo. Good gig, but felt short, I kept expecting the second set that never came...

The rest of the weekend was spent in Iitti (south-eastern Finland) attending a short weekend (three-session) karate course. This was a great experience, with good training and great hospitality. Will be happy to return at any time! We were quite a small group training this time, but there are also good aspects of that, like more feedback from the course instructors. The only thing troubling me was the back problem I got from work last Thursday... Had to sit one session, so took lots of photos. Now trying to chose which ones to share on facebook.

The article on death is going forward, but not the English in-class presentation. More and more clueless about it. Oh well, I still have just over a week to prepare it.

exciting work-related headline goes here... (No. I'm keeping this one.)

Waiting to hear from two different eventual future workplaces. I've applied for internships for this summer, and so far been interviewed for two of them. Both interviews were surprisingly nice experiences! The interviewers asked only relevant questions, answered my questions, and seemed more focused on letting me learn about the places in general and the tasks and other details linked to my eventual work there. In both cases I left the interview with a more more positive image of the place, than I had had before. So, of course I hope to receive a positive answer from at least one of them. Still have some places left to apply for, though.

 At Uni, things are... well, quite interesting right now, to be honest. Except for just having started on my masters, I'm also currently working on an article... on Death! Or, rather, on writing about death. Still fascinating, though! It's inspiring to work on a subject this new to me, after having stuck to more "relevant" (to e.g. my thesis) subjects for quite a while. And today, by shear coincidence, I found one more article to use! I might or might not use the same (or a similar) theme for an upcoming presentation in English, but haven't quite decided on this yet. Bo Lönnqvist, who is one of the scholars I'm referring to in this work, will be giving a lecture on the subject here at Uni next week, so looking forward to that!

Library closing, have to log out. Happy weekend everyone!

Nonsense weekend

I had last weekend off again, but wasted most of the time and got very little done. The original plan (and the reason for my Saturday off) had been to attend short karate course, but after my return to work last week my knee started to bother me so much again that I decided against the course. So instead I had one more free weekend to use for whatever I wanted. What I did? Well, it included two days of concerts (Thursday and Saturday), one bottle of a new favorite red wine (both cheap and ecologic!), some catching up with an old friend (former room-mate actually, from the small commune I lived in before the separation) and some drawing. I'm trying graphite again, and it's going surprisingly well. I was especially surprised to find a slightly more expressive style, compared to my more recent drawing... Interesting.

So all in all a good weekend, even though I had been more happy if I had also got something (anything!) sensible done. Something like finishing essays, cleaning my flat, looking for that lost, longer version of my thesis... I seriously hardly even took out the trash. Or then maybe I just need to learn to relax and enjoy things without guilt tripping...

Tomorrow I'm going to try working again and hope for the best. If my knee can't take it I'll simply have to contact my doctor again and see what to do about it. But still hoping I won't have to do that.

weekend update

I've now enjoyed one more weekend off, but plan to try and return to work this week, depending on how it feels tomorrow. My knee has been much better these last couple of days, but I'll still have to be careful - I don't want to make anything (much) worse before next weekend, when I plan to carefully attend a two-day course in Kuusankoski.

I've done some drawing this weekend, a couple of small self portraits and an experiment with red wine... I had a bottle of cheap red wine that didn't taste too good, so I decided to see what it would look like as "paint". Just did some shading on a drawing, but I think I'll have to try that again, the wine sometimes reacted quite unexpectedly with/on the paper... But I'll have to return to that later.

Tonight I'll try training again, and see what works. We're changing the program on the lower grade side (that I teach), so next week on we'll be doing kicks for a while. Will be fun, as long as I can do it myself too!

think of a headline, think of a headline... meh, this one's about work and the weekend, and it includes a quote, OK?

Fed up with my job again. Doing those extra rounds in June didn't pay as much extra as I expected. Not by far. Even though it was a lot of extra work. I'm also tired of having such a hard time even trying to calculate what I'll make the next month. Which is rarely enough anyway.

It was very naive shortsighted of me to decide for a trip to Britain this summer too, but it can't be cancelled now. And secretly I'm glad, but this also means that almost everything goes to Britain-and-Bills. (No less with the expensive phone bills I receive after the update to a phone I can use to access the internet.....) Now I've been forced to shorten this weekend's trip to my hometown, as the train tickets are too expensive. VR (the Finnish national railways) have raised the ticket prices again, so now the price of a return trip - with one cat - to my hometown ends up at around 80 euros, or possibly even more. And that's with a student discount. I will be missing out on one reunion, but luckily not all. Still feel bad for not being there.

There are good things, too. I still have this trip, this small break from everything to look forward to. It did feel good to return the work keys. And I've had offers of car rides, and been able to take up one of them - tomorrow. Did not find anyone to care for miss Cat, though, so she'll be coming along. I so hope she'll... well, not sure if you should ever use the word "behave" when talking about a cat, but let's just say I hope she won't be a complete pain in the @#%* - at least not all the way! Keeping fingers crossed.

...oh, almost forgot the quote:

me complaining about my job and listening to great music

I'm tired of my job again. I only work a couple of days every week, but this just makes it more frustrating. Right now, in the summer, I'd have the time to do so much more, and I also know that I function better when I'm active enough. Of course, this gives me the chance to spend more of my time doing things that actually feel rewarding for me to do, and I am doing that - I focus on my health, my art, I train, I write... - but I would still want to work more.

Of course, I also dream about simply finding a new job, a different one, one that relates ever so slightly to my area of knowledge. Or something where I could earn more. I'll keep looking.

This month I will take only one day off my normal work schedule, for the Jakobs dagar- weekend in two weeks, when I'll be revisiting my hometown again, as every year. This year I can specially look forward to one more reunion with the girls (we did this last year and hope to turn it into a tradition!) on Thursday and of course the Party Of The Year on Saturday.

...and midst my complaining, I found this on the zenhabits blog: http://zenhabits.net/discomfort-ruin/
-an article on learning to cope with your discomfort. Great timing again.

Listening to: Electric six, David Bowie (Hunky Dory!)

on junk, work and vacation

I decided by the end of May that I would not even touch any of my academic work throughout June. Why? Because I really needed the break. Now that June is almost over (still have no idea where the whole month disappeared to?!) I still think it was the right choice, it's been very good for me to lower the pace a bit for a while and allow myself to focus on the simple things - like my home and my health.

I've finally cleaned my flat up (not completely, but getting there) and also moved stuff around a little, for more space - and  I love the result! And at the same time I've finally got to throwing lots of junk out. The only thing that hasn't happened yet is the flea market table I had planned for. I did go and ask at a place, but the owner just said it was fully booked and  took my phone number to contact me whether this would change... and I still haven't heard from him. There are, of course, other flea markets in Turku but most of them have ridiculously expensive weekly fees.

In my last post I wrote that i now "should have more time to focus on my art", and I've tried to do that, too. I have done a number of sketches, but the really good ideas are never there when you crave them the most, I guess. Anyway, I'm hoping that this will also be easier to focus on now, with the worst mess gone from my home.

Where did I want to go with this post? I don't remember. It turned into one if these...

my temporary studio

This is what it looks like when I want to (do art)work at home. I do have a nice big table and all, but... It's overflowing with all kinds of junk. Also, I simply like working on the floor, it gives me more space. I still haven't seen anything like the drive I had last spring, but try to return to my art every once in a while. Think I got of to a good enough start again, at least. And now that the term is over, I should have more time to focus on my art.

I say this every year.

What are the sunglasses doing in the picture, you ask? Oh, they were actually included in a self portrait (hence the mirror)

Good news - bad timing

Today I talked to one of my professors about a work experience opportunity. I don't know how much I should write about it yet, but the job includes helping out in hosting a big ethnological event here in Turku in June. It seemed very exciting, so after the talk I was very happy to learn it seems I'm being recommended for this. There are only two downsides to it: 1. The work is unpaid. This I as OK with, as I still see it as a good experience, and the deal also includes free participation (when possible) in an event that would otherwise have you pay an expensive fee. But then I noticed downside 2: The symposium coincides exactly with the Sensei course in June... This is one of the biggest karate happenings of the year, and since i started practicing I have missed it only once. Both happenings are major events in their respective area, that I should partake in. So frustrated now!

Mid-week brain-emptying

So I didn't finish the assignment on time (is anyone surprised at this?) but did so today. On to the next one, then. I'm very relieved by the fact that the two web-based courses I'm taking at the moment both have assignment deadlines two weeks apart but placed so that they have every other weekend - one assignment to finish per week. Makes life easier, indeed.

It was nice to have the weekend off, but it didn't seem to be enough for me. Still tired. The darkness makes it even harder for me to get up in the mornings. And as soon as I stop working I get sleepy. Or maybe it did help a bit. Now that I think of it, I've actually been quite effective this week! (so far. It's only Wednesday, after all.) So OK, a brief pause to load the old mental batteries, but could have taken some more of it.

I'm also tired of being broke all of the time, it would be so nice to be able to do or have something extra every once in a while.

Got a few people to show some interest in this year's Christmas party planning-project, good! It's lots of fun but I won't have neither time nor energy to do too much myself this year, so I'll seriously have to remember to delegate. I'll miss out on part of the event myself, as the three-hour exam of my English course is the same day. Oh, joy. The Christmas party normally consists of 3 + 3 hours of practice in the day, followed by a dinner party in the evening. I hope to still be able to attend both the afternoon session and dinner.

Now home for more sleep. Need more loading for tomorrow.

vacation

My 1 1/2 week vacation starts tomorrow! I'm now preparing my trip back home, crossing things off the list. Returned my job keys and have now got a train ticket for me and miss Cat. Someone will be very upset very soon... I did not (big surprise here) manage to finish all of my assignments on time, but will be bringing some amount of work along with me and hoping to finish some of it there.

I'll be having a friend watching my apartment (watering the flowers, but also checking that everything is OK) which does feel good with the before-mentioned creepy guy around.

See you on the other side.

on karate and midsummer

I did have use for my course diary. One of our main istructors got the flu too (the one I just recovered from) so I got to do the instructing last Monday. And then again in Pargas last night. Both sessions went ok, Thursday was of course a bit more nervous with wo club instructors around but for the same reason also more of a learning experience for me. I was happy to have the chance to try instructing again, after my last attempt at this went as it did...
I've now sent in my application for Summer school, and remembered to ask for time off from work for that week- was ok. I also asked bout working extra as I'll have so much time off this summer (compared to last year), and the wage is already low. Can't wait to get there! How often is it really that you sit around in June anticipating the end of August..?

Today is Midsummer's eve. I'm spending it in Turku center this year. Think I'll take it quite easy, will be heading for the park soon for some barbequeing. Looking forward to this, especially as the weather is so nice today! (and here I am - in front of the computer)

*wax-off*

out of energy

I wish I had more energy. There are so many things I want to do, and I've been getting nowhere this week. If I really wanted to make excuses, I guess I could blame part of it on the flu -this has been the worst day of ot so far, had to give in after about half of todays work was done. (Now I have to do the rest tomorrow, so not looking forward to that) I haven't been able to go running because of the flu, and I miss that a lot. Also had to skip practice, when I would so have liked to go through some of the things from last weekend's course. To only sit on my ass and work (write) is so hard when I'm too tired to focus, my brain doesn't feel properly connected (thanks to the flu) and at the same time I can't do any of the things that normally make my day. On the other hand I remember already struggling with (and writing about) motivational problems before last weekend, so I should probably just skip the excuses then.
I should probably try to get back to my artwork even if I officially "don't have the time". Especially as I know this can sometimes work as a kickstart for me... And after a while, when I haven't, I'll feel empty. Just have to get to it, I guess. I wonder why I still so rarely prioritise my art, even though I once took on to make it my profession? I have fought myself more than a couple of times about this, but so far neither side of me has ever won.