Update on this and that

I can't believe how fast this spring is passing. Around yesterday it was still February, as far as I remember... I do enjoy the warm, sunny spring weather, I just wish there was more left of it.

I don't remember whether I already mentioned this or not, but right now my brother is staying here in Turku until sometime the end of this month. This is the first time in.. I don't even remember how many years that my entire family is gathered all in the same town (not counting the occasional weekend or Christmas holiday). Feels a bit strange, up until now Turku has been "my" town. Still nice to be able to spend time together and catch up, of course. My mother's move is not yet finished - she resides in Turku now, but loads of stuff are packed/still unpacked up in Jakobstad, awaiting the next step. I don't know when that will be. Sometimes I think I wouldn't mind moving myself, but I refuse to do it before all this is over. In a family of three, you really don't need more than two members moving at the same time.

Some progress considering my studies. Not much, but slow. Two more coures to finish this spring, waiting to receive credits for one more finished one, and still work (most of it, to be honest) to do on my masters. I naively plan to write on it this summer, as I'll be working quite short days. We'll see.

I wonder what happened to my blogging. I'm doing lots of interesting things, but never seem to gather the energy/inspiration/motivation/whatever to write about any of them here. And when I do blog, I end up with texts like this one - rarely about anything in partcular. Hmmm...

Christmas in Turku

We weren't able to finish it last weekend. Not only that, even though we worked all weekend (my back is still troubling me) there's still a ridiculous amount of junk left to sort through. We did do a lot, though, and I am happy with that. (But I still can't believe how many books she owns! I think we packed eight more boxes of only books, and these were only the ones left from the first move...) The moving business will now be paused over the holidays, to be continued in January. It's still frustrating not to see the end of it. I think the same thing applies to several areas in my life right now - I'm regretting all the things I never did, or dd but never finished, and imagining I'll not only get back to them in January, but make everything better.

I'm now looking forward to my first Christmas in Turku, until now I've spent every holiday in Jakobstad (with one exception. Also spent one Christmas hospitalized in Vasa) . Still not sure how I feel about it. I like Turku, as well as my mother's flat here, but it will be awkward not seeing my friends, who I normally meet up with every year.

During the move I've been the practical, pragmatic and effective person. I've chosen to ignore the mental stress and just work on (even harder) and organize things (even better), I've been lifting, carrying, digging through junk, packing and planning, never giving in to nostalgia or other distractions. Why does this not work in other areas as well?

on moving and training

This weekend I'll join my mother up to Jakobstad for what should be the last part of the moving ordeal. We are to collect and move the everything that's been forgotten, discard everything else, throw out junk and clean the place up best we can. Mother is obviously stressed about this (I don't blame her!) and keeps putting things up, while instead worrying about all the smallest things. She has this tendency to put up everything uncomfortable until later... (I have it to sometimes, at least  I know where I've got it from...) But we already chose this weekend and I've arranged with time off work so it has to happen now. It's also the last chance for us to get this done before Christmas. I try to remind her about how much better it will feel when it's all over. I mean, it's not like I'm exactly eager to do this either, but we have to. And it will be good to (hopefully!) have it finished before the holidays!

The Christmas party last weekend was great; I had lots of fun even though I couldn't practice myself. I still enjoyed the social in the evening, an during practice I spent my time snapping pictures instead, and brought along my karate journal to take notes. It's always frustrating not being able to take part in the training, no matter why, but this time I think I  actually learned a lot from watching. I noticed some things that I'll definitely want to work on, and realized how certain things (mistakes) seem to relate to each other... Very inspiring! Bring on the new year!

update about this and that

I know I haven't been posting in a very long time.  Sometimes it just doesn't happen. I have tried, several times even.

First of all, I thought I might mention that the whole moving business has gone fairly well after all.  Some things were left at the old address, but we've been able to replace most of them. And her flat is starting to look more and more like a home. I've also tried to help her get to know Turku and find her way here. This has been fun for me too, and a much welcomed change from old routines.

I spent the first weekend this month in Vaasa, attending a karate weekend course. This was my first higher grade course in Finland (it was for black belts only) and it was a great experience! Interesting methods, lots of feedback from the higher grades, experienced practice partners and all in all many good points to try and remember... Unfortunately been suffering a flu ever since, so I haven't been able to repeat it all, however much I've wanted it...Very frustrating!

This upcoming weekend I'll be attending my first Christmas party of this year, in the company of the rest of my karate club. I haven't taken even the smallest part of planning it this year, and feel quite happy with that choice. At least I know that the event will be our by now traditional combo of training and partying.

The following weekend I'm joining my mother for what should be our last trip up north, to her old house, for some final emptying and cleaning. There is still an amazing amount of stuff left up there...I'm not too eager to do this, but it obviously has to be done at some point. I also need to start throwing out some of my own "collections" soon, as my 22 m2 flat is not large enough to hold both everything I own now and all of those things I used to own but at some point chose to start "temporarily" store at my mother's house... and then haven't missed for ten years or so. It's already close to impossible to keep my flat clean due to all of the stuff in there, and there are still things in Jakobstad that I need to move down here. A LOT will be thrown away, I think.

And, finally, I'm again taking baby steps closer to earning a degree! I think that's it for today. I'll try and return to updating normally again now.

Almost there - moving day

Her cats were put to sleep yesterday, "the hardest part of it is over now", as she said herself.


There was a change of plans, so I will be spending the weekend in Turku after all. I still have some things of my own in her house, which I would have liked to go through before the move, but I'll just have to do that later. We will still have to return at some point to do some final cleaning and emptying.

The big moving day is tomorrow, and with all the stuff arriving around lunchtime but my mother herself in the late afternoon, my job will be to be there to meet the moving van and try and arrange with the carrying on this side. It all still feels a bit unreal to me. Someone to whom I've had a geographical distance of several hundred kilometers will suddenly live next block to where I work everyday.

I've been in her (future) flat this week, looking round and moving some smaller pieces of furniture around to create more space. The place is smaller than I first remembered (having visited it years ago, when it was still in my uncle's use) and it's an absolute mystery to me how we can possibly be able to fit everything in there.

Relocating your mother

A new date has been set for my mother's move here down south. It is in a week. I still can't believe it, no matter how hard I try. She's lived there for over thirty years. I'm going up there next weekend to try and sort out more of my own old stuff, and to help out with whatever is needed.

I don't think I will miss the house, as in the house itself. It is the house where  I grew up, but the memories related to it are so mixed. Good and bad. And there's the disrepair. And I'm so relieved this is happening now and not... later. That fear of having to go through all of it on my own if something were to happen to her.

At the same time I see it as having parts of my roots cut off. I won't have any family(that I know of) left in that town now.

So this could actually be the last time. Obviously at some point it will be needed to return to really finish things, clean everything up and so on..? But no one will be living there. I've had my last Christmas in that house.

She wanted to move in the fall, so it wouldn't be so hard to leave her garden.

on moving and karate. I can't think of good headlines anymore...

I think we got a good start to the whole moving project. I'll return once more now in October, before the actual move, to help out again. On our schedule this time will be throwing out heaps of old junk.... But, before that, Poland!! This weekend! I'm missing a lot of work (and, with that, pay...) this fall because of all the traveling, but so far it's been worth it. We hope to have the whole moving business finished in November. Before that, I'll have to throw out some old stuff of my own too, as I'll be needing space for that growing pile of stuff that I've been leaving at mum's place every time I've moved homes myself. This will be interesting, as I now live in a tiny, 22m2 flat.

In karate, our beginner's course has started. I'm quite happy both with the group of beginners and with the assistant teacher. Now we'll just have to see how many of them will stay with us, and hope for the best. OK, I'm very hyper right now and can't really concentrate on my writing. I think I'll just try again tomorrow.

Still alive - and trying to learn this thing called responsibility

I realize I've had one of those longer breaks from the blog again - hope no one has worried. There are many things going on this fall, both at uni and in karate, and now also in my private life.

I am supposed to get two theses started this fall - and at least one of them finished before the spring term is over! In Ethnology and Art theory.

In karate I will, as I suspect that I've already mentioned tons of times before, be teaching this year's beginners group . I'm still looking forward to this immensely! But honestly staring to grow a bit anxious, too... Other karate news, I'll be going to Poland in October! Never been there before, so bet it will be exiting too.

On a personal note, my mother is planning a move down to Turku this fall, so I will be visiting here when I can to look for things to help out with. She has been living in the same big house since we (me, her and my father) moved in there in 1980-81. So you can just imagine the amount of stuff that's been collected there during the years... Also, the house is in quite a bad condition, so there is definitely work to be done... It will be strange but good to have here living in Turku. On one hand, I've grown used to a certain distance (of hundreds of kilometers) since moving down here myself, but on the other it will be good, as her daughter, to be able to be there for her when she needs it. She's already past 70, and not getting any younger after all, and my conscience has already been giving me a small personal hell about the situation for some while.

So if I were to sum this fall up in only a couple of words, I suspect "responsibility" would be one of them. I'll get back to you on the rest of them.

A bit late

I know I haven't been updating in a good while. I've been blaming it on the move and not having had internet at home, but to be honest I've also simply been tired and unmotivated. There's a lot going on right now, and I'm simply trying not to mess everything up...

I guess I just wanted to say that I'm still alive and well... that I'll be trying to get some routines going again now that I've got used to the new place.

Moving day 1.

The boys moved out today. We had a nice group of people helping out, and the whole thing was done quite effectively. Now i sit alone in the half-emptied apartment and Boy. Does. It. Feel. Strange.... Usually I don't have a problem with being home alone but now, since almost everything is gone (couch, TV, microwave, desks, bookcases, you name it...) I can't just follow my routines. The living room is the most empty, since almost nothing in there was mine. This, my own corner of the workspace, looks more or less the same and feels more OK to dwell in. The bedroom is fine too, also mostly my stuff in there.

I will have to find more than a couple of new routines  after the move, since my new home is located in more or less the other end of town. I need to find a new place to run and I'll really miss my favorite corner shop.

I'm going to start (or continue?) packing my stuff too, I'll just have to get some more boxes. It'll be real nice having my own place assembled. And speaking of such - yes, I got the apartment I was hoping for! Oh joy!

Tonight most of the city of Turku are out in the cold celebrating the start of our year as European Cultural Capital. But I chose to stay at home and enjoy the combination of cold beer, warm sauna and nice music - a favorite combination of mine. Works every time!

Waiting

I really liked the last apartment I looked at! It's small and quite simple but it was also much closer than expected to what I'm looking for. Also, it was simply cozy, homely. And cheap! I could really see myself live there. Now I just have to wait for the call. I talked to the landlady today and told her about my interest, and she told me that there is still one eventual tenant coming to look at it and that she'd call me tomorrow. Whether I'll get the apartment or not.

I am hoping so hard right now. (Not praying, since I'm not very religious. Sometimes I almost wish I was, though.)

I hope I don't have to keep looking. There's only half a month left before I have to be out. Not nice. Not nice at all. I want to be able to picture myself in my new home.

insomnia

Been having troubles sleeping again, more or less since every night since I returned after the holidays. I actually went to bed quite early tonight, but it didn't help. I'm really tired. I lay awake long enough to get hungry so I had to get up and make myself sandwiches.. And here I am now.

Not knowing where I'll be living from February on is really getting to me. I'm going to look at a one room flat on Monday, that I'm a bit curious about. They made the place sound really cozy in the advertisement, and the person I've been in contact with seemed nice too. Also, it's cheap! So... the more cynical side of me is seriously pondering what might be wrong with it. I never did ask whether or not you are allowed to have pets... Well, I'll keep my fingers crossed.

It's a bit strange to realize that it's actually New year's eve today, that really came out of nowhere. And for the first time since... ...my early teens..? I don't have any plans for tonight. One more thing I just haven't got myself to. I couldn't really afford to party hard anyway, with the big Move eating quite a big piece off my finances.  Maybe I'll just pour myself a drink in the company of the Interwebz and then go out and watch the fireworks... Yes, that does seem like a good enough plan.

word of the day: Nostalgia!

Today I've kept on going through old crap things. It all got really nostalgic for a while, when I found a whole pile of my own old artwork (prints, mostly) to flicker through while listening to old, long forgotten records. There's something a bit cathartic about the whole project of moving out.

I also found my lost mini panels! Beside the collages I've been doing lately, I've also started working on a miniature collage - hence wondering where I put the other tiny panels I remembered getting at the same time... And today they were found: on the bookshelf, nicely tucked in between my books on American history! So now I've painted a bit of a base coat (in a mix of white acrylic paint + crushed eye shadow) on the other mini panels too, making myself exited to see a series of tiny, tiny collages coming up soon...  For these, I'm also using lines cut out from a terrible novel (No. I won't mention which one. I'm glad I found some use for it though.) and glossy vintage (-looking) bookmarks. Exciting! So I guess you can see some nostalgia in that, too.

everything changes

Last weekends Christmas party was nice - or would have been, had I taken the time to relax and enjoy it, I guess... I was a bit to preoccupied with the arrangements, more than necessary to be honest. It all went down more or less successfully however, and I'm glad so many people showed up!

Now it's back to working on the thesis and also to seriously looking for a new home.For a while I was hoping to find new roommates for this place, but then I realized that I really want to move. However nice this flat is, I need the change that comes with a move and the fresh start that hopefully follows moving into the new place, wherever it is. The problem is just that: I still don't know where I'll be living from January on... I'm hoping to hear from the Student Foundation, I've applied for a one-room flat in the student village. Not the most luxurious  kind of living, but cheap and bloody well good enough!

My new home will be a lot smaller, but I'm also taking the opportunity to go through the crapload amazing amount of things I've been stacking up in here, and actually threw away bags of stuff. I also quite quickly collected a pile of stuff - clothes, books, various kinds of smaller crap - to sell/donate. And it feels great to get rid of all that shit!


We have finally started to tell people around us about the breakup (it was more or less necessary because of the apartment hunt), which is good in it's own way  - it almost feels like I can breath more easily again.

A lot of things are really uncertain now, but I guess the only thing I can do right now is to hope for the best, and in some cases also to try my best.


Wish me luck.