New blog, after all.

Time for a short ad:

The Swedish blog I considered starting is now up. It can be found at evajohannas.ratata.fi/blogg/. I will keep both blogs, for now. Go have a look if you feel like it, though I haven't posted that much yet.

That's all for today. Thank you.

on computers and photographs

I'm still learning to use the new computer. The one thing that has been bugging me the most so far is the photo library function. Not only was it obviously designed with a touch screen in mind, which makes it very hard to maneuver on an ordinary laptop, but I managed to loose all my Christmas photos when simply trying to order them into an album of their own... I bet there was some very simple solution tat I just missed, never had good karma with things like this. Luckily I still have them on my camera, so i can try again later. The Picture above was saved because, being a "bad" picture, it was never added to that album. But giving it a second look I realised I liked its colors, and the way the lights contrast the foggy-looking sky.

I had originally planned to write about more political issues today, but this seems to be an introspective blog - I have thought so before too - as I still end up writing about myself.

Soundtrack: Damien Rice - My Favorite Faded Fantasy

Cold but inspired

I wanted to commet on two things mentioned in my last post:

First of all, having caught my second cold (or flu?) this winter and lost two nights of sleep because of the annoying fuck of a cough that came with it, I'd like to take back anything I wrote about "feeling great!" in my last post...

And, secondly, I did decide to start a new, seprarate blog in Swedish after all. Time will just have to tell what happens to this one, maybe I'll be able to find different uses for the two blogs. Unfortunately, I havent been able to do so yet as I never got the required confirmation mail (and, so far, no answer from their info/support) but I'll give it a Little while (most likely a couple of hours, knowing myself an my infamous lack of patience) and start it somewhere else if nothing more happens... Restless! Whenever I get any kind of idea or Project into my mind I want to do it NOW. Immediately.

Today, Ive decided to defy my cold and go to uni at lest for a short visit, maybe lunch. I want to see how it works for me to be around people (noticed it's more difficult to really tell your condition when home alone) so I can decide whether or not to attend an exhibition opening tonight. Hope to attend, as it would obviously be fun but also a much welcome change.

New year, art and blogging

No. I'm not going to write a recap of 2014, as I figured I'd much rather comment on my situation now, right this moment.

I have a cold. I have problems sleeping at night. BUT: I feel great! I have so much inspiration right now. Started this year doing mainly two things: sleeping and artwork! I've almost finished one of my more long-term pieces. Once again, allowing myself some time "off" everything has been great - I never decided to work on my art either. And, once again, I've been reminded of how inspiring some people can be, sometimes it doesn't take more than a simple word or two from the right person and you just watch things evolve from that. There are so many pent-up ideas! I wish I could keep doing only this for a while longer, but the holidays are ending. Time to return to reality.

OK, one comment on this blog too. I noticed that last year was my most passive so far, write-wise. I miss writing in Swedish, but haven't done anything about it yet. No new blog, because I don't feel ready to end this one (and I doubt that I would have the motivation to keep two blogs going at the same time), but I'm not sure about changing this blog back to Swedish either. We'll see.

On training and inspiration

I have had loads to do at uni lately. Most of it has been very interesting - I write about things I am interested in, after all - but one downside is that I haven't been training (no karate, no running, no other kind of working out either...) for the last two weeks. Two weeks might not sound like a very long time to some, but for me it is. And while I'll confess that it would not have been impossible to train all days, on most of the free nights I've had, I've simply been too tired. Still not sure whether I'm making up excuses or tying to learn to accept weakness...

Last month, another member of the same karate organisation initiated the tart of a women's network within it. So far the network has been about sharing experiences, memories, photos and other things - we have a closed facebook group and a smaller number f the members have also started using the same training log site. This has all been very inspiring, and  the training log has been good for my motivation when it comes to actual training. Knowing that people you know can see both how and how often you train can really be that kick in the butt you need to get going some days. But the last two weeks this has made my inactivity even more frustrating - as now everyone has been able to follow it! Embarrassing!

I'll be back (doing karate) tomorrow, and have promised myself to throw in at least one good run too this week.

on aging parent(s)

Had a scary moment with my 75 year-old mother this Monday. Paid her a visit (after having been away fr two days) and just noticed something was wrong. She seemed very nervous and confused, and complained about this and about feeling "lost". She kept asking about small things in her home, which all seemed strange to her - groceries she had bought, some small objects on the table, books she had got from the library, the damp clothes hung up to dry... She couldn't recall any of them and asked me, over and over again, "have you brought those? "Did you wash here?" "Can you tell me what that even is?" No matter how many times I answered the same questions, she was not able to remember the answer. She couldn't remember what she had done the past couple of days, where she had been or even whether she had eaten the same day or not. This was both shocking and scary, as she had never suffered anything like this before, nor had problems with her memory.

This state, however, passed the same evening and she saw a doctor the following morning. His conclusion after many questions and tests (I had to answer some of the questions, as she had almost no recollections of the night before) was transient global amnesia, which is not uncommon among elderly women, and that there should be no imminent danger of any kind. She will go through numerous tests next week, though, and we both hope and fear learning something more then.I still fear that this will turn out to be a symptom of something worse.

I was still shaky after all of this was over (and after a sleepless night), but trying to feel relief now. Not quite able to convince myself, though. Her aging scares me, or rather the risks that entail aging. I guess it's one of the things you will never grow used to. And how could you, as it's a changing progress itself?

I must remember to cherish the good times. I'll log out now and pay her a visit.

Friday afternoon procrastination

Friday. Very tired today and having absolutely no motivation whatsoever. Still decided to stay around a bit longer and at least pretend to work.I find myself checking my twitter feed more than anything else. And looking through the contents on my memory stick marked "Karate". I notice now that surprisingly much of the material is unknown even to myself. And while some of it certainly very interesting, it's also definitely not what I should be doing right now. It's far too easy to be lazy when there's no one else around.Or, well, distracted might be a better word than lazy - I'm actively procrastinating after all...

My conscience isn't too bad, though. I've made progress with both theses and I don't have any impending deadline right this moment. That I know of.

Wow. This was a very necessary post.