fredag 29 april 2011


One more job application sent. I still hate writing them, and no - I don't get why I hate it so much. It isn't or at least shouldn't be hard. And it always feels good having finished and sent one.

Had a really lovely jog/run in the sunshine earlie today. The enjoyment of running is on a completely different level with the sun in ypur face and the cool wind in your hair! Even thinking of it now makes me smile!

Nothing more to report today.

Heading home now.

Wish I had a bottle of wine waiting, though.

torsdag 28 april 2011

on music and being tired..?

I came here tonight to finish a job application I started earlier, start on a course diary and things like that. But now I'm just sleepy, and haven't hardly even started yet. Slept bad again last night, for no particular reason as usual. One strange thing I've noticed is that my cat seems to react on my bad sleeping. If (or rather when) I having serious problems sleeping she will start scratching at the door, again and again. and this, of course, makes me even more nervous.

Anyway, the course diary is for a really interesting course I'm taking right now - Music, Power and Violence. It's in musicology so it obviously has little to nothing to do with my own area but it feels good to do something only out of interest too. The lecturer is very good and inspiring, so it's a pleasure to listen, but it's also kind of on my mind all of the time now - for example sitting here listening to music in my headphones just a slight bit to loud I'm of course pondering this need to shut out the real world (while still physically being in it) and instead building this own one with the help of the music in my ears...

Vappu is coming up this Saturday, and it bothers me that i still don't know of any program for the night. Except for the late night of course, will traditionally be visiting Kåren then. I'm still looking forward to it a bit but obviously not as much as past years.

Have to stop now. Need sleep.

söndag 17 april 2011


Today is election day. I can't remember ever having skipped voting. I simply think it's stupid not to. It might be a cliché, but yes: if you don't vote you shouldn't complain either. So I guess you could say I've erarned my right to complain for four more years. Yay!

My so called plan for this weekend was to actually go out and act social, but I found myself at home, cleaning the apartment on a Saturday night. And I didn't feel too bad about it! I like my new home and even take a certain pride in keeping it tidy enough. (Who'd have ever thought...)

My mind is still bugging me. Everything is so... ... unlimited..? When happy, I'm OMGhappy!!!!1!, when sad - absolutely miserable. When I'm disappointed, I'll stay so for days. I still wish I'd learn to master some kind of emotional strangulation technique. How to shut it all off. I went for what was suypposed to be a long walk but turned into jogging. It was really nice, the weather absolutely beautiful and all, and it did help in soothing a bit of the restlessness.

fredag 15 april 2011

Show me how to live

I guess I forgot about how life changes like these don't go by without some reinventing of yourself. Some patching and mending. Sometimes I doubt everything I am. Luckily not for long. It's still scary, though. I miss my old friends from back home. Wish I wouldn't have to visit the Olde Hellhole to see them. One day I just realised that there's no one left here who knows me from before I came to Turku.
I made an important decision late last night: I will try to keep my alcohol intake to an absolute minimum this spring. It doesn't mean I can't or would refuse to party, just that I'll try to cut down on the booze when doing so. I still love beer, I just don't miss the person I obviously tend to turn into when I'm drunk.

I still don't have internet in the "new" apartment but I'll try to learn to cope with writing my posts here at university. I've missed blogging. Can't think of anything more to write now. Just that I'm very confused about most things. I'll just post now. OK.
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